Mirrors on the ceiling and KY, believe it or not this post has nothing to do with sex!

• I got my car washed today, which reminded me of 2 weeks ago when I got it washed...Shawn was driving that day and as he drove in all catawampus, I kept yelling "Look at the mirror!  Are you looking at the mirror?"  To which he angrily replied "WHAT mirror?"  That's when I pointed to the mirror on the ceiling and proceeded to tell him that every car wash in the whole United States of America has one or those mirrors as you pull in.  He was literally stunned.  My Mom didn't know about the mirror either.  Where do you people come from?
• I don't post about my coupon steals and deals that often, but I think you should know that today when I got groceries, I scored 2 things of KY and 2 boxes of Gain dryer sheets for FREE!  You know you're addicted to couponing when you start bragging about your free lube.
• Every week on library day Alivia gets excited about the possibility of checking out the Guinness Book of World's Records.  I remember being excited about that in elementary school too, but now it just seems creepy.  What's so fascinating about a child who got dentures when he was 3?
• There is a lady at work and a Mom of a girl in Alivia's class who I want to punch in the face.  Both for equally good reasons.  Just another reason I wish my blog wasn't public.
• I was looking at my Google Analytics the other day and one of the keyword searches that someone clicked through to my blog from was "I think I'm going to poop my pants, what should I do?"  Shawn suggested maybe the person should have just headed straight to the shitter rather than Googling what to do.
• Google Analytics also told me that my post a few weeks ago titled "Pictures of Boobs" has had more hits than any other post.  I really wish I would have rethought that title.  I'm fairly certain that 100% of those people who clicked through were pervs.  Feel free to leave now creepers!
• If you don't know what Google Analytics is, let me put it to you like this...I know you're reading even if you're not commenting.  Yes, person-who-I–personally-would-consider-a-stalker, that means you.
• Less than 2 weeks until Lady Gaga!  Does anyone know where I can rent one of those egg things like she had the other night?  Or what about a meat dress?  I would settle for a meat dress.

That is all.  At least for now.

The rest of the story.

Since you are all waiting with baited breath (NOT!), I thought I better give it up on the rest of the lies/truths from this post.  I think only 2 people picked out the one which was 100% true, can you believe it?  Ok, here we go:

1.  When I was pregnant with Alivia I went to the hospital the day before my due date, because I deemed my uterus expired.  I wasn’t even having contractions!

Not true!  I believe it was the day before that I deemed my uterus expired, and then proceeded to drink castor oil and walk on the treadmill.  Then, 6-8 hours later when I wasn’t in labor, I went to the hospital anyway.  I was not having even one single contraction, but my blood pressure was 195/110 and I had 4+ protein in my urine, so I lucked out…preeclampsia got me a bed!

2.  The rodeo clown thing…I already answered that one.

3.  Last summer when I competed in my first Duathlon, the reason I ran and biked so fast was because I was surrounded by lesbians. 

Not true!  Well, I was surrounded by lesbians, but that’s not the reason I finished so well.  However, my boss likes to say it was because I was chased by lesbians.  Don’t get me wrong I’m so not a homophobe…but it was honestly not the best day to have a short haircut!

4.  My freshman year of college I put a bomb in my ex-boyfriend’s new girlfriend’s mailbox.

Not true!  I was present while the bomb was made, and I was present while the bomb was put in the mailbox, but I did not personally do any of it!  This is actually a funny story because the girl’s Mom called my Mom and accused me of blowing up her “brand new Rubbermaid mailbox!”  She said she even saw my red car.  Lucky for me, my car was parked in my parent’s driveway all night, and my Mom could confirm that.  And P.S. According to what my ex-bf told me, the mailbox wasn’t even damaged!

5.  I haven’t worked out in a month and a half.

And the truth shall set you free!  I hate to say this, but it’s true.  Sad, but true.  Next week, I have an appointment with (another) specialist, so I’m hoping to have some answers soon.  I really wanted to do the Iron Goddess Duathlon again this summer, and it’s devastating that I don’t see that happening. 

I hope everyone is having a lovely Valentine’s Day today!  Valentine’s Day is probably my least favorite holiday.  Yes, I’m a scrooge! 

2 winners!

I’m so sorry it took me awhile to announce the winner of the giveaway!  No worries though, I knew who the winner was on Friday, so the cookies have been ordered!  After I thought about it, I actually decided there would be 2 winners…you’ll see why in a minute.

The first winner is Dizzypru who blogs at Prufrock’s Fog.  She is a new Mom to an (almost) 4 month old who she gave birth to at 25 weeks.  Her miracle baby, Isla Marie, is adorable!  Other than that, I actually don’t know her very well, but her comments absolutely cracked me up: 

 

“I love your blog - almost as much as I love the fact that my 2 year old niece was playing with a measuring tape this afternoon and proudly announced to the family that my ass is $25!”

And her story about her most embarrassing date:

“Okay, in 7th grade there was a boy, Dan, who had a huge crush on me. I was horrible. Even though I knew he didn't have a lot of money I would ask him for his lunch money so I could buy a drumstick. I was 11 and apparently soulless! Anyfart, he wrote me a poem that read:

Roses are red,
violets are blue,
you are as sweet,
as chocolate chip cookies.

Yikes. Later on in high school there was a rumor going around that his family was big into in-breeding. Never confirmed it, but come on....clearly "sweet" does NOT rhyme with "cookies."

 

And now, the second winner!  There was only one person who sent me a picture of themselves as a Girl Scout, so I decided she was very deserving of the cookies too!  Either no one else could find a picture of themselves as Girl Scout, or maybe they just didn’t want me posting it?  Regardless, here she is:

Yankee Girl!  She says she thinks she was around 15 at the time, and this was when she was receiving her Girl Scout Silver Award.  I have no idea what that means, but I really hope my daughters aren’t still Girl Scouts when they’re 15.  No offense, but I think that would cause me to drink, a lot more.

Congratulations to the winners, and thanks to everyone for entering!

An Impromptu Giveaway, and one lie revealed!

Ok, I’m going to start with the lie.  Just because I can.  I think a few of you might have confused my last post with the “4 lies and 1 truth” thing that frequently makes rounds on the blogosphere.  In the post I did, 4 of the things were somewhat true, and 1 was 100% true.  I blame myself for confusing you since I titled the post “Liar, Liar…”

Anyway.  In this post I’ll address the rodeo clown since many of you found that quite interesting.  This one is not 100% true.  I did date a rodeo clown, but it was not by any means a serious relationship.  In fact, now that I think about it, I wouldn’t even call it “dating”…if I remember correctly, he never did actually take me on a date.

So, how in fact did I end up dating (or not dating) someone who looked like this?

Well.  Blame it on spring break.  And alcohol.  And the fact that when I met him (in a bar) he told me he was a “barrel man / bull fighter.”  It wasn’t until he showed me a video of him in clown get-up shooting his Jack Russell Terrier out of a cannon, that I realized what I’d gotten myself into.

Let’s never talk about this whole clown thing again?  MmmKay?  Onto the Giveaway!!

 

I realized that last year at this time I did a Girl Scout Cookie giveaway, and I totally forgot to do one this year!  Don’t worry, it’s not too late!  Alivia has to turn her order sheet in on Friday, so the giveway will run from now until this Thursday night at 8 pm.  The winner will win 3 boxes of their choice of Girl Scout Cookies!!  Please click here to see your choices, not all Girl Scouts sell the same cookies!

The rules are simple:

• Mandatory entry:  You have to be a follower and you have to leave me a comment saying which 3 boxes of Girl Scout Cookies you would like if you win (leave 1 comment for this 1 entry).
• Optional entry:  Leave a comment telling me about the worst or most embarrassing person you dated (leave 1 comment for this 1 entry).
• Bonus entry:  If you were a Girl Scout send me a picture of you as a Girl Scout which I can post the day I announce the winner of this giveaway!  You will get 5 entries for this, but just leave one comment saying you’re sending me a picture and I will add the other 4 entries.

Good Luck everyone!

P.S.  This giveaway is in no way sponsored by the Girl Scouts.  It is completely funded by me, out of the goodness of my heart, and for the love of cookies!

Liar Liar pants on fire!

I used to be really good at accepting and reposting when someone gave me an award…but somewhere along the way I lost track, and then I just gave up.  So, when Charbelle gave me an award tonight, I thought “Sweet!  I can redeem myself!”  And it’s a fun one too!

As a condition of my acceptance of this award I have to write five facts about myself. Four of these “facts” have to be fictitious deceptions, enhanced realities. They’re kind of true, but not.  But somewhere amongst the “lies” will be one solid truth.  Ok, here we go:

1. When I was pregnant with Alivia I went to the hospital the day before my due date, because I deemed my uterus expired.  I wasn’t even having contractions!
2. When I was 20 I had a serious relationship with a rodeo clown.
3. Last summer when I competed in my first Duathlon, the reason I ran and biked so fast was because I was surrounded by lesbians.  Why didn’t it occur to me that there would be so many?
4. My freshman year of college I put a bomb in my ex-boyfriend’s new girlfriend’s mailbox.
5. I haven’t worked out in a month and a half.

So, any guesses?  No worries, sometime this week I’ll let you in on the real truth!

Oh, and I pass this award on to:

Angie @ Names Will Not Be Changed To Protect The Innocent

Jessica @ Blah Blah Blond (one my newest followers!)

Tyly @ One Mile At A Time (tread lightly if you click over to visit Tyly, she’s grieving the loss of her Steelers)

The Tales From The Fairy Dust

Mommy on the Spot

Did somebody say snow day?

Allegedly the blizzard of the century is heading our way any minute now.  I’ll believe it when I see it.

 

This was too good not to share:

 

Pictures of boobs.

Last Fall an acquaintance of mine emailed me saying that she had a few questions about breast implants.  I told her who my doctor was, and gave her as much information as I could, and that was about it.  Then last week she emailed me again with more questions, and said she was quite sure she was going to have the surgery.  I answered her questions again, and then asked her if she and her husband would like to see my before & after pictures.  She said she would.

With my first surgery Shawn took “before” pictures and then took “after” pictures for the first couple weeks.  But, when I went to send the pictures to my friend, I found that I really didn’t have any pictures of the finished product.  So, I asked Shawn to take some.  He took a few, but then became annoyed when I asked him to take some with a bathing suit top on and with a bra on.  He also might have been annoyed when I voiced concerns over his photography skills.  What.Ever.

When the photo shoot was finally over, he was walking out of the room and I  said “Thank you so much for taking the pictures.  I must say though that I think you’re the only man in the world who would complain about taking pictures of his wife’s boobs.”  And then this happened:

Shawn:  “Well, it’s not like the pictures were for me or anything!  Nobody ever sends me pictures of boobs!”

Me:  “Awk.Ward.”

Shawn:  “Um, well…I meant you never send me pictures of boobs.”

Me:  “Yeah, and I probably won’t.  But it’s good to know nobody else is sending you pictures either!”

 

P.S.  Did anyone read this post because you thought there was going to be actual pictures of boobs?