Flashback Friday

Before I started my blog here, I had a super fabulous blog at:

Some of my posts over there are my favorites. Seriously. So, because I am sick and have no energy to write a new post, I am going to entertain you with a flashback from February 20, 2008. Oh, and I chose this one because of another “vagina moment” we had at my house yesterday.

“The Straw that Broke the Camels Back.”

I had to take Alivia to Devos Children's Hospital today to have some tests done. One of the tests was a simple kidney ultrasound. The other test was a VCUG (voiding cystourethrogram), which long story short involves putting a catheter in and taking some pictures.

Alivia was uncooperative from the moment she woke up this morning, I think Lainey realized this and decided to join in the fun as well. I was to meet my mother in law on Alpine at 10:00 am to drop Lainey off to her. We made it, but it was nothing short of a miracle.

When we arrived at the hospital Alivia seemed to be doing well, and the first test went off without a hitch. The second one, the VCUG, was definitely touch and go. The tech told me that she does indeed have reflux, which is what they were testing for. (She had surgery for this in June 2008.)

After all was said and done we went to "Old McDonald's" for some chicken nuggets.

From there we went here:

so I could get my coffee fix, after the morning from hell.

Unfortunately, I had to go in because the manager had some free coupons for me because of an issue that occurred on Monday. We spoke to the manager for quite awhile. He was being very friendly with Alivia asking her lots of questions, but she was looking at him like he was an alien sent here to ruin her already bad day. Towards the end of our visit he was still trying to make conversation, but finding a topic was becoming difficult. This is what ensued:

Jason (Biggby owner/manager): "So are you and your mom just hanging out around town today?"

Alivia kind of looks at me shyly, so I respond with: "Well Alivia had to have some tests done at the hospital today. We're all done though, so we're on our way to pick up her little sister."

Jason: "Oh, I hope you didn't have to get poked!"

Again, Alivia just kind of looks at me shyly. I am seriously hoping she has temporarily become mute.

Jason: "You didn't have to get poked by a needle, did you?"

Alivia (glaring at him): "No. They had to put a straw in my vagina."

Oh. My. Word. When I got to the car I looked at my 10 free coffee coupons, and realized they could only be used at this exact Biggby location. Great.

The Great Milk Debate.

My husband and I will celebrate our 7 year anniversary in December.  This seems like a long time, but then again it doesn’t.  However, after 7 years and 2 kids, it’s hard to even remember what our marriage was like in the beginning.  There is, however, one thing I remember that has been happening on a weekly basis from day one.

When you get married each person has their own idiosyncrasies that you have to learn to deal with.  For example, you might think dirty socks belong in a hamper somewhere, but your husband might think they belong on the kitchen floor.  I’m not saying this actually happened to me last week, it’s simply an example.  Maybe you like to leave the shower curtain open when you’re done, and the other person likes it closed.  Perhaps you think the toilet paper should unroll from the top (which is clearly correct), and the other person thinks it should unroll from the bottom.  Again, these are all just examples.

Most of these habits or personal preferences can be overlooked or ignored.  But, what if one of those habits directly affects you and could possibly throw you into a tizzy and ruin your whole day?  Drum roll please…

 

The milk cap. Yes, the milk cap!

My dear and lovely husband leaves the ring on, just like in the picture above.  I, however, am a milk ring remover.  Honestly, I cannot understand why in the whole world anyone would leave it on!  It’s trash, throw it away!

I thought my husband was the only person who left the ring on, until some of you answered and told me you did too.  Wha wha what?  Girls are supposed to stick together!

Just kidding.  So, why does such a little act send me into a full-blown-ruin-my-whole-day tizzy?  Here’s why.  I don’t particularly enjoy having to pick the ring out of my cereal or coffee each and every time it falls in.  It’s gross.  Not to mention, I have OCD.  So, when the ring falls into my breakfast it makes me wonder where the ring has been, who has touched it, and eventually I will probably decide that the entire bowl of cereal or cup of coffee is completely contaminated.  I. Am. Serious.

Do you have a milk ring in your marriage?

I am Kreativ!

Guess what?!  I have been awarded the “Kreativ Blog Award” by Jen.  This is my very first blog award, and I think it means I’m famous, but I’m not sure.  If you don’t know Jen you should definitely check her out at http://taleoftwocoins.blogspot.com/.  I’ve been following her blog for over a year and she is truly a beautiful and inspirational woman.  She’s also from the great state of Michigan so that makes her doubly cool!  Thank you Jen for giving me this award!

The rules for this award are:

1. Thank the person who nominated you for this award.
2. Copy the logo and place it on your blog.
3. Link to the person who nominated you for this award.
4. Name 7 things about yourself that people may not know.
5. Nominate 7 Kreativ Bloggers.
6. Post links to the 7 blogs you nominate.
7. Leave a comment on each.

So, 7 things you may not know about me…

1. I don’t have a uvula.  If you don’t know what that is, DO NOT Google it!  I just did, and there were all these pictures of people with their uvula’s pierced!  Seriously, who knew?  Oh, and uvula is not to be confused with vulva.  Okay?
2. My first car was a Plymouth Reliant station wagon with wood sides.  I was not allowed to let my friends or anyone else drive it, but we created a game allowing them to drive it without actually driving it.  I would sit in the driver’s seat, with my friend Liz beside me, and my friend Kate in the back seat.  Liz would reach her foot over to control the gas and brake, and Kate would reach around me from behind and steer the wheel.  Right now this sounds terrible, but it seemed like a good idea at the time!
3. My oldest daughter, Alivia, was born on my birthday.  In theory this sounds fun, but in reality I won’t get my own birthday again until she’s probably 18.
4. When I got pg with my second daughter I lied to my OB about when my last period was.  I had calculated the due date, and I didn’t like that date, so I picked a due date I liked and then calculated my last period based on that.  It was only a few days difference, so I figured no one would notice.  I kept this a secret until a couple months ago when I told my husband.  He didn’t even act surprised that I would do such a thing.
5. I have OCD.  When I say I have OCD I don’t just mean I like things organized, I mean I actually have OCD, like diagnosed by a doctor.  I think #4 above can be somewhat explained by this.  Oh, and no, I don’t obsessively wash my hands. 
6. I met my husband online, 8 years ago, before online dating was even “cool.”
7. In 4th or 5th grade I smoked cigarettes with my best friend on my top bunk bed.  Don’t worry, we didn’t inhale.

I am giving the Kreativ Blogger Award to the following 7 people:

1. Hillary at:  http://runningwithsanders.blogspot.com/.
2. Stephanie (aka Sazzle) at:  http://sazzlestyle.blogspot.com/.
3. Elizabeth at:  http://dahlstromschoolofdiscoveryandfaith.blogspot.com/.
4. Laura at:  http://www.ourcrazyadventure.com/.
5. Llama at:  http://llama-tales.blogspot.com/.
6. Lauren at:  http://livinlaurenslifeblog.blogspot.com/.
7. Shawn at:  http://rothfamilyoffive.blogspot.com/.

Are you for pumpkin?

I am a lover of pumpkin pie, pumpkin dump cake, pumpkin cheesecake, etc…  So, I thought I was a lover of all things pumpkin.  Imagine my excitement when I heard another blogger talk about Pumpkin Spice Hershey kisses! 

I finally found these little gems at Target today.  I snapped them up and immediately tore into them when I got to the car.  The result?

These things seriously tasted like up-dog.  Ugh.  I told my husband maybe they are good for baking, but they are not good for eating.  He found that amusing.

Speaking of pumpkin, I finally gave this another try:

Everyone in “blog-land”, and in “real-life-land” raves about the Pumpkin Spice Latte from Starbucks.  I tried one last year, but I stupidly ordered it “iced” and immediately deposited the entire thing in the trash upon arriving to work. 

On Saturday when we were headed to the outlet mall I begged Shawn to stop at a Starbucks, so I could give this lovely fall creation a second chance.  The only Starbucks we could find was in a Kroeger and it just so happened that the barista looked like he just woke up from a week long bender.  So, that was already two strikes against said latte.  Then, I got the latte, and it was orange.  I should have expected this, but somehow it caught me by surprise.  Strike three.  Sorry guys and girls, the pumpkin spice latte will have to find a way to survive without me.  I am not a fan.

So, what about you?  Are you for pumpkin?

What would you do…

If your in-laws had your kid’s for the weekend?

Chances are, you might head directly to the mall after dropping them off, and see this purse:

but, in this pattern:

And, when the sales girl tells you it’s the very last one, you might decide it’s your destiny to have it.

Then you might head to:

And you might buy this top:

Along with two others, because it too, is your destiny.  Not to mention they are all on sale, and you also have a merchandise credit.  (By the way this photo does not even begin to do the shirt justice!)

From the mall you might head to “El Loco Burrito” to meet your husband for dinner.  When you get there you might find that instead of ordering you one margarita, he has ordered an entire pitcher!

 

When you are finished with dinner you might tell your husband that there is no way you can drive home.  He might take advantage of your drunkenness by suggesting you go to Best Buy.  You opt for Sam’s Club, knowing that no matter where you go he’s going to look at something like this:

 

After peeling him away from such things as above, you might end up by these:

It’s entirely possible that you and your husband might then decide to try them all out.  You might even be able to convince your husband to take a running jump and land on one, while an old lady watches.  After he lands, you will probably think it’s a good idea to push him and the mattress back under the shelf where the mattresses roll out from.  At this point you will also definitely cuss yourself out for not bringing your camera in.

Next, you will both decide you need to have a potty break because of the margaritas.  Chances are you will take your blood pressure while waiting for your husband and when your BP is 90/47 you might wonder if you’re dying.

When you recover from your death scare your husband might finally be back from the bathroom only to tell you he saw an old man in the bathroom taking a shit and wiping his ass with the stall door completely open.

You probably won’t believe him, so you will sit on the bench outside of the bathroom, so your husband can make a positive ID.

When you finally decide to leave, you’ll be walking to your car when you see the old woman from the mattresses.  You and your husband will be joking about something when your husband says, “Are you calling me a liar?”  Just to shock the old lady you might respond with “Yes, I’m calling you a liar you M F-ing A-hole!”  Your husband will want to call you a cheating whore and tell you he’s only staying with your for the kids…but he won’t think of this until he gets to the car, and by that time he’s too hysterical to speak.

What if then you went next door to

and while you were there your husband sat on a display toilet and pretended to drop a deuce “jackass” style?

When you’ve both had enough with the shenanigans you’ll probably finally decide to head home, but you might be hungry for ice cream first.

So, you’ll indulge in this:

That is the “coffee toffee twisted Frosty” from Wendy’s.  If you’ve never had one, you should because they are magically delicious.

At home your husband will say he rented this:

because he knows you wanted to watch it.

But, instead you’ll probably write this post for your blog and he will fall asleep on the couch with his mouth hanging open.  (Trust me, I wanted to take a picture!)

Burning question.

I have a question.  You know the ring around the top of a milk cap?  The one that you twist off to get the gallon of milk open?  Like this:Well, what do you do with that ring?  For 29 years (well, probably less because I don’t know when you start opening gallons of milk) I have done the same thing with the milk ring every time I open it.  However, my husband has a differing opinion on what happens with the ring after the milk is open.  This has become increasingly annoying, to the point of maybe we’re not even going to be allowed to have milk in the house anymore.  I need to settle this once and for all, so your cooperation in this study is greatly appreciated.

I spin, You spin, We all spin for Ice cream!

So, there I was at the gym on Monday morning climbing away on my stepper when Chelie (my fav trainer) walks by. “Hi Chelie!", I say. “How was your first spin class?” (She told me last week she was starting to teach spin, and last Tuesday was her first class.) “It was great! Will I see you there tomorrow night?” she says. Oh shit. “Um, yeah, definitely if I can get out of work on time.” Oh. No.

All day at work today I’m thinking about spin. I’m wondering how I can possibly get out of it. I mean, it’s not like I signed up or anything, right? However, I also think I owe it to myself to give it one more try. The class starts at 6pm, so at 4:30 I leave work, figuring it will take at least an hour to psych myself up.

When I get to my car I look in my gym bag and see that I have forgotten my sports bra! Seriously? At this point I think this is a sign that the universe does not want me to spin. I consider my options. Pick up my kids, go home, relax? Go to store, buy sports bra, then head to purgatory? Somehow my car takes me to Meijer, I’m paying for the sports bra, there’s no turning back now.

5:45 pm: I head to the spin room so Chelie can give me a tutorial first. Note to self: start class with knob completely loose.

6pm: We start warming up. We also do some arm stretching while on the bikes. Arm stretching? I’m wearing a tank top and I can’t remember if I shaved my armpits this morning.

6:05: I’m already looking at the clock, but I’m pretending to stretch my neck, hoping no one will notice.

6:10: I’ve officially made it 5 more minutes than I did last time. I consider myself a total rock star.

6:15: My spleen is hurting, or is that my liver? Oh, and I just threw up in my mouth a little.

6:20: I realize it’s one of my incisions that’s hurting. What if the incision bursts open and my implant falls out? OMG. It’s totally possible.

6:25: I’m watching this old bitty in front of me to the right. She’s wearing a polo shirt, but she also has the professional bike shoes on. Her outfit makes no sense. The shoes say hardcore, the shirt says WTF?

6:30: The girl behind me snaps her gum. I remember the gum that I stuck in my sports bra when I changed my clothes. Ok, that’s a little better. But, where should I put my gum wrapper? I decide to swallow it. Okay, I really didn’t.

6:35: Old bitty in front of me says she wants to do more “jumps.” This lady acts hardcore, but I can tell by the way she’s pedaling that her knob is totally loose. Bitch.

6:40: Chelie asks if anyone wants to do one more song or should we start our cool down? Everyone raises their hand for one more song. Hail Mary full of Grace… I start to wonder if there is a patron Saint of spinning.

6:45: We finally start to cool down. I thought class was supposed to be over now?

6:48: We’re off our bikes stretching our calves and I see the woman behind me texting on her phone. I consider beating her with my water bottle, but don’t have the energy.

6:50: Done! What if I can’t get out of bed tomorrow to take my kids to school? Oh well. They can miss one day.

I’m driving home and I remember something Shawn bought at the store last night.

I wonder if I should feel guilty eating this while I watch The Biggest Loser?