Run like hell.

Shawn had a physical today, and when I say physical, I mean:

So, if you find this offensive, you may just want to leave.  Like now.  Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

If you know me well, then you know that I found today the perfect opportunity to make Shawn the butt of all my jokes.  He must have known the jokes were coming because I woke up to a lovely pot of hot water again this morning.  Curses.  When I called him out on the coffee he said his mind must have been elsewhere…perhaps on his 2:10 appointment.

I should have harassed him all day, but luckily (for him) I had better things to do.  I didn’t send the first text until 1:50, it may or may not have said “Good luck with your rectal exam!” (insert smiley face)

Don’t worry, it didn’t end there.  When he came home from work he walked over to give me a hug and I promptly reached my hand around his rear attempting to probe him.  He screamed like a girl.  Again, it didn’t end there…

Me:  “Were you violated?”

Shawn:  “Yes.  I was violated!”

Me:  “Did he use lube?  Was your butt all slimy?”

Shawn:  “Yeah, I was farting bubbles afterwards.”

Me:  “Did he manhandle your balls too?”

Shawn (clearly annoyed by this point):   “Oh yeah, he did that too.”

Me:  “What about your erections?  Did he ask about erections?”

Shawn:  “Yes, he asked about that too.”

Me:  “No way!  I was only joking!  What did he say?”

Shawn:  “He asked me if everything was working properly down there.”

Me:  “Bahaha!  What did you say?”

Shawn:  “I told him I hadn’t had any complaints.”

Me (jaw on floor):  “Why did you lie?”

 

(crickets)