Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Run like hell.

Shawn had a physical today, and when I say physical, I mean:

prostate-exam-assume-the-position-demotivational-poster-1258957430

So, if you find this offensive, you may just want to leave.  Like now.  Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

If you know me well, then you know that I found today the perfect opportunity to make Shawn the butt of all my jokes.  He must have known the jokes were coming because I woke up to a lovely pot of hot water again this morning.  Curses.  When I called him out on the coffee he said his mind must have been elsewhere…perhaps on his 2:10 appointment.

I should have harassed him all day, but luckily (for him) I had better things to do.  I didn’t send the first text until 1:50, it may or may not have said “Good luck with your rectal exam!” (insert smiley face)

Don’t worry, it didn’t end there.  When he came home from work he walked over to give me a hug and I promptly reached my hand around his rear attempting to probe him.  He screamed like a girl.  Again, it didn’t end there…

Me:  “Were you violated?”

Shawn:  “Yes.  I was violated!”

Me:  “Did he use lube?  Was your butt all slimy?”

Shawn:  “Yeah, I was farting bubbles afterwards.”

Me:  “Did he manhandle your balls too?”

Shawn (clearly annoyed by this point):   “Oh yeah, he did that too.”

Me:  “What about your erections?  Did he ask about erections?”

Shawn:  “Yes, he asked about that too.”

Me:  “No way!  I was only joking!  What did he say?”

Shawn:  “He asked me if everything was working properly down there.”

Me:  “Bahaha!  What did you say?”

Shawn:  “I told him I hadn’t had any complaints.”

Me (jaw on floor):  “Why did you lie?”

 

(crickets)

32 comments:

Practically Perfect... said...

Hahaha!

Amy Lynn said...

BAHAHAHA! That's hilarious. You're awful and I love it! We had to watch a video on that yesterday in class and I couldn't help but chuckle when they showed the face of the patient while asking him to "bear down". Really!?!?! Is that necessary???? I don't wanna see his face!!!

Jenni said...

hahaha too funny! Sounds like a conversation me and fiance would have :) PS-I'm having a letter lovers giveaway on my blog! http://jenni-helloworld.blogspot.com/2010/08/letter-lovers-giveaway.html

Cristy said...

My husband is in his last year of med school and an aspiring urologist...in fact, he's been doing an away rotation in urology this entire month. It's so funny to hear what happens on the other side, because he's the asshole (ha, funny word to describe the situation huh?) putting the finger up the butt and asking about the erections!

You're Lucky I Don't Have a Gun... said...

lol- i think we know who won that round.

the proctologist, obvi.

Heidi said...

My husband and I are soooooo boring compared to you two.

Aimee said...

HHAHAAHA you seem so cool!!! That is hilarious

Paige said...

Bahahaha! This is SOOO funny!

Tracie said...

Bwahahahaha!!!! Poor Shawn.

Hillary said...

I don't know if I feel worse for Shawn because of the actual exam or because of the aftermath at home. Probably the second.

MommyLovesStilettos said...

LMFAO!!!! OMG!!! This is seriously SO hilarious!!!!!

Amanda M. said...

OMG! You are so evil to your poor husband!
LMBO. :)

ty said...

You're a sick sick girl. And I love you.

Amy said...

Farting Bubbles!!!

BWAHAHAHAHAH!!!

I Love You and Shawn! Hilarious!

Ange said...

TOO FUNNY!

I would have asked him if the Doctor seemed to enjoy it.

blueviolet said...

Isn't it ironic in light of this post that you're such a smart ass?

Tiffany said...

Hahaha! That is fantastic! This sounds like a conversation I would have with my husbie. :)

Sara said...

Hahaha...farting bubbles. Poor hubby. He's so lucky to have such a loving compassionate understanding wife. :) You guys crack me up. Love it!!

{Kimber} said...

baaaaaaaaahhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!
TOOOOOO FUNNY!!

Day 2 Day Living said...

Hubby going to Dr: $30
Wife making fun of him: Hilarious
Hubby telling Dr a lie: Priceless!

Melissa said...

You are too funny! I can see why he didn't appreciate your amusing words - but they sure are funny!

Brittany said...

Bahahahahaha!! You are hilarious! Poor Shawn! I love that you tortured him!

Corrie and Phil said...

Oh...I needed that today. It's been quite a morning, and I just sat down for the first time. I opened your blog and was not disappointed in the least. I laughed OUT LOUD, and that is exactly what I needed. Thanks... even if it was at poor Shawn's expense.

Cherry Berry said...

Too funny! You are evil! Haha!

Jessica said...

You don't even want to know how often the term "fudge packer" is used around me. Some certain people in my life think it's necessary to describe every situation!

Chrissi said...

HILARIOUS...you always make me laugh with your posts!

A to Z said...

That was way too funny. I actually laughed loud enough for the kids to hear & Noelle wanted to know what was so funny. Obviously I didn't tell her...you and your dirty posts!;)

Jen said...

So I was reading this at the same time I was taking a drink of Diet Coke. Needless to say I ended up spitting my pop all over my computer screen. Thanks for the laugh!! I need to remember NOT to drink while I read your blog!!

Amanda said...

Oh my God-- I love this!

That last line is hilarious!

MrsDixon said...

Oh my gosh! This is so hilarious! My hubby is 25 and is already fearing the day this comes for him!

Matty said...

Ohhhh you got him real good. Right where it hurts. LMAO

The Girl Next Door Grows Up said...

LMAO!!!! Pardon the pun.