No Sweaters Please.

As someone who has had a gym membership for the past 3 years I have a growing list of suggestions I would like to make for rules that should be established. For instance, no farting on the cardio machines; and if you do fart, please don't try to pretend like it wasn't you. Another rule might be, no grunting on the weight machines, unless you're lifting over 500 pounds.

I realized while watching Shawn and the girls swim today that there would need to be a separate list just for the pool area. This is what I have so far, and please feel free to add your own suggestions:

• No sweaters. By this I mean, any man (or woman?) whose chest and back are 50% or more covered with hair, please refrain from using the pool. Or, if you choose to swim, please wear a wetsuit.
• No pure white bathing suits. I see this every time we go to the pool, the worst violation was an 80 year old man wearing 50 year old white swim trunks with no liner.
• No speedos, no explanation needed.
• Please refrain from bringing purses, cell phones, or books to the hot tub. Who knew this even needed to be a rule, but I saw one woman today with ALL three of these things!
• If you're going to use the designated lap swim lanes, please actually know how to swim laps, don't just get in there and flop around like it's your first time in a pool.
• Please buy and wear a bathing suit that's actually your size. I understand that women want to wear bikinis, but sometimes not everyone wants to watch you test the powers of spandex and lycra technology.