Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Alarm clocks, noodles, and smart asses.

Have you ever had one of those days when by 8 am you feel like you’ve already put in a full day, and you’re ready for bed…or happy hour at the very least? Today was that day.

Every M, W, F, morning starts out with my 4 year old alarm clock yelling “Daddy, Daddy, DADDY!” I shouldn’t complain about today though, since the alarm woke up at 6:10 this morning, whereas Monday morning it was 5:00! Yes, 5 am. Aka, “the butt crack of dawn.”


Can we just talk about this for a second? What are you supposed to do with a 4 year old at 5 am? I mean, you can’t really give her a bottle, and put her back to bed. Or, can you?

So, let’s just say the bottle thing doesn’t pan out, what are my other options? How old do you have to be to get your own breakfast? These are the questions I need a parenting handbook for.

Lucky for me Daddy was still there this morning, but he didn’t stumble out of the bathroom until I had already made it down to Thing 1 and Thing 2’s bedroom. For 1/2 a second I thought about asking him what he was still doing there. Fortunately, I thought better of it, and just headed straight back to bed.

This is where things went downhill. I overslept. Normally, it wouldn’t be considered oversleeping, but the girl’s stupid lovely school changed their schedule and starting this week they start 15 minutes earlier. Personally, I think this is something that should have been discussed with those of us who live 1/2 hour away, and like to sleep in, but maybe that’s just me.

Fast-forward to 8 am when we should already be in the car and on the road, but I can’t find my gray boots anywhere, and Alivia has decided she doesn’t remember how to tie her shoes anymore. I give in and tie the damn shoes (double knotting them to save the sanity of her teacher) and shoo them into the car, so I can scream get my coffee in peace.

It was at this point that I decided instead of screaming I would sing a happy song, and hopefully change my attitude for the day. The first song that I could think of was this:

“Sunny days, sweepin’ the clouds a-way,

on my way to where the AIR IS SWEET (I really belted that part out),

Can you tell me how to get, how to get to…”

And then I stopped. Whoa. I was singing the Sesame Street theme song. I was asking for directions on how to get to Sesame Street.

I thought to myself, “What if I sing those words, and in some sick perverted joke by the universe, I end up on Sesame Street?” With my luck I’d end up in Elmo’s world with that damn Mr. Noodle.

characterImage_19I really don’t mind Sesame Street, but I can’t stand that Noodle. Why does he always have to act like such a douche bag?

Come to think of it, most of the adults on that show act like douches. Maybe it’s a requirement. Or, maybe that’s just what happens to you after you work there. They should put a bar on the set of Sesame Street for the adult characters, maybe if they were a little intoxicated they would be less douchey.

So yeah. That’s pretty much how my day started. And, no, I never finished singing the words to the song. I just couldn't chance it.

P.S. When we were driving home from school this afternoon, there was a smart car next to me on the highway. I thought about running it over, and then afterwards I would say to the lady, “Not so smart anymore, huh?”



Llama said...

HAHAHA! You poor thing! I always wonder about those sorts of parenting things. How do you know what is right and wrong? I guess every family can be different. There are some 4 year olds that would be just fine getting their own breakfast...while I wouldn't trust others within one room of the kitchen!

Jen said...

Damn, you seriously crack me up...every single time!!

I left you a way long note on FB, did you get it? I will be home tonight if ya want to talk.

Kelsey Claire said...

I love how you call them Thing 1 and Thing 2. That is what TJ calls our pups! You are hilarious! Thanks for the award by the way! I appreciate it! Love ya!

Just Add Walter said...

haha... just found your blog and am a new follower!

that smart car comment almost sent me over the edge!

Lola Harmon-Ramsey said...

I DESPISE Mr. Noodle!

d.a.r. said...

"Can we just talk about this for a second? What are you supposed to do with a 4 year old at 5 am? I mean, you can’t really give her a bottle, and put her back to bed. Or, can you?"

OMG I nearly died laughing reading make me giggle.

And wait, a 4 year old can't get their own breakfast? Crap....

Stephanie said...

Honestly, the real life adults on Sesame Street scare me...nightmares

Amy Lynn said...

Omg... I HATE smart cars!

I just found your blog through another blog somewhere and then proceeded to spend like 20 minutes reading past posts and laughing my ass off. I'm hooked! Plus, I'm a nursing student about to graduate from LPN school so I couldn't resist ;-)

Semi-Slacker Mom said...

Seriously. Get her tonsils/anenoids checked. Bo used to wake up @ 4am every am. Now he sleeps through the night.

I wonder how much Mr. Noodle gets paid? Douche. Love it!

Hillary said...

Ask Amity sometime how Simone feels about Mr. Noodle, it's pretty funny.

I totally agree with the smart car thing, but man would I love a mini cooper!!!

jill said...

so i nearly choked on my wine about you running over the smart car! you too funny, friend! hope tomorrow is better. i plan to drink diet dr. pepper and do nothing all day ... the student teacher is teaching! whoo!

Shawn said...

Maybe she will sleep in on Saturday....

Heather said...

This post is hilarious. Love it!
I have a 5 year old who loves to sleep. But I have friends who put clocks in 4 year old rooms and tell them an acceptable time when they can come get them. Like when this first number reads 7. Worth a shot.
I have a feeling my youngest will be like this. She already likes to rise at 6:30am. But 5am takes the cake.

Amy said...

Excuse my potty mouth but, those smart cars creep me the fuck out! I passed one on the interstate!


Where it shared the road with not only me but huge 18 wheelers! If you get in an accident in that thing, you're toast! So, yeah, not very smart!

Also, I am (thankfully) not familiar with Mr. Noodle, but he sounds like a pedophile. Just sayin'

Laura and Ryan said...

LOL...not so smart now!

I love that you double knotted for the teacher!

ps- now I have that damn song stuck in my head!!

ty said...

oh, i bought the sync thingy for the ipod, too. i'm gonna look like a freak with all of the technology that i can't quote seem to manage, but whatever. i feel like a cool young buck :))

Erin said...

Mr. Noodle TOTALLY freaks me out! But we are taking our girls to see Sesame Street Live this weekend...I'm nervous, but I assume Mr. Noodle won't be a part of it! LOL

p.s. when my gals wake up too early, I tell them it's still night time and not time to wake up. It mostly works, at least for a little while....especially if I show them it's still dark out...

~Bekah said...

So i've not read your blog before but found you from "the Young and the Precious" who i've known since pre-K and OMG..u crack me up! I must follow your needed this pick-me-up! if you have a chance, come check out my blog. :) Oh and how do u do the crossed out words?? i've been wanting to post my actual feelings instead of my "nice feelings" about somethings and it's a lot more funny and "to the point" w/ the cross-outs! :)

~Bekah said...

"Douche, douche, douche...douche douche douche....douche, douche, douche, douch doooooouuuuccchhhhhee.."