Alarm clocks, noodles, and smart asses.

Have you ever had one of those days when by 8 am you feel like you’ve already put in a full day, and you’re ready for bed…or happy hour at the very least? Today was that day.

Every M, W, F, morning starts out with my 4 year old alarm clock yelling “Daddy, Daddy, DADDY!” I shouldn’t complain about today though, since the alarm woke up at 6:10 this morning, whereas Monday morning it was 5:00! Yes, 5 am. Aka, “the butt crack of dawn.”

Can we just talk about this for a second? What are you supposed to do with a 4 year old at 5 am? I mean, you can’t really give her a bottle, and put her back to bed. Or, can you?

So, let’s just say the bottle thing doesn’t pan out, what are my other options? How old do you have to be to get your own breakfast? These are the questions I need a parenting handbook for.

Lucky for me Daddy was still there this morning, but he didn’t stumble out of the bathroom until I had already made it down to Thing 1 and Thing 2’s bedroom. For 1/2 a second I thought about asking him what he was still doing there. Fortunately, I thought better of it, and just headed straight back to bed.

This is where things went downhill. I overslept. Normally, it wouldn’t be considered oversleeping, but the girl’s stupid lovely school changed their schedule and starting this week they start 15 minutes earlier. Personally, I think this is something that should have been discussed with those of us who live 1/2 hour away, and like to sleep in, but maybe that’s just me.

Fast-forward to 8 am when we should already be in the car and on the road, but I can’t find my gray boots anywhere, and Alivia has decided she doesn’t remember how to tie her shoes anymore. I give in and tie the damn shoes (double knotting them to save the sanity of her teacher) and shoo them into the car, so I can scream get my coffee in peace.

It was at this point that I decided instead of screaming I would sing a happy song, and hopefully change my attitude for the day. The first song that I could think of was this:

“Sunny days, sweepin’ the clouds a-way,

on my way to where the AIR IS SWEET (I really belted that part out),

Can you tell me how to get, how to get to…”

And then I stopped. Whoa. I was singing the Sesame Street theme song. I was asking for directions on how to get to Sesame Street.

I thought to myself, “What if I sing those words, and in some sick perverted joke by the universe, I end up on Sesame Street?” With my luck I’d end up in Elmo’s world with that damn Mr. Noodle.

I really don’t mind Sesame Street, but I can’t stand that Noodle. Why does he always have to act like such a douche bag?

Come to think of it, most of the adults on that show act like douches. Maybe it’s a requirement. Or, maybe that’s just what happens to you after you work there. They should put a bar on the set of Sesame Street for the adult characters, maybe if they were a little intoxicated they would be less douchey.

So yeah. That’s pretty much how my day started. And, no, I never finished singing the words to the song. I just couldn't chance it.

P.S. When we were driving home from school this afternoon, there was a smart car next to me on the highway. I thought about running it over, and then afterwards I would say to the lady, “Not so smart anymore, huh?”