Sunday, February 21, 2010

Tami is farting feathers.

On Friday night, Shawn and I went out on our date night. This post, however, is not about that. This is about something that happened before date night.

Just before the girls and I got ready to leave to meet Shawn, I decided I wanted to take a picture of me and all my fabulousness. I determined the only way to do this, was to take a picture in the mirror.

So, I did. But, when I looked at it, I saw something weird. So, I took another one. And another one. And another one.

I thought something must be on the lens, but there wasn’t. So I zoomed in on the picture to see if I saw anything that way, and that’s when I saw it. Actually, I shouldn’t say “it,” I should say “them.” I saw them.

Wrinkles. Right around my eyes.

Don’t panic (I’m mostly talking to myself here). I figure I have two options. Option one:


(This was right before dinner, but it was sunny, so the sunglasses were totally legit.)

So, option one is sunglasses. Sunglasses 24/7. At first I thought this might be a viable option. But, after much thought I’ve decided it would be hard to pull this look off in Michigan. Also, it might be a little weird at work.

Ok. Option two:

botox This is clearly the best option. I was, however, worried that Shawn might pitch a fit about this. So, I started writing a speech for him about how if he wanted to continue being married to a MILF, then we were just going to have to work Botox into our budget.

But, then something happened. The universe smiled on me. Yes, you heard me. The universe wants me to have Botox. It’s true. Three things happened, almost all at once.

  1. I got a check in the mail that day for $200 from the company my first set of implants was from. I was not expecting this at all! Maybe they sent it to me for my pain and suffering?
  2. Also in the mail was a flyer from my plastic surgeon’s office! And what do you know? The flyer was all about Botox, skin rejuvenation, and such.
  3. After looking at my calendar, I realized I already have an appointment scheduled with my plastic surgeon in 2 weeks!

Is it bad that I just referenced “my plastic surgeon” twice? That makes it sound like I go there all the time. Or, like I have him on speed dial. Which, I don’t. Well, maybe I do. Ok, ok. I have him on speed dial. But, come on. If you had an upside down boob last summer, you would have the boob doctor on speed dial too.

Anyboob. Back to the Botox. I told Shawn the whole thing about the universe wanting me to get Botox. He wasn’t impressed. He wasn’t even impressed that the Boob God’s had sent me money towards the Botox. I think he was just jealous. I told him maybe if he prayed harder for his flat screen and sound-bar, that he just might get a check in the mail too.

That’s when he accused me of farting feathers. I have no idea what that means, and it turns out Google doesn’t know either. I think it’s code for: I’m still mad at that 6th grader who thinks you should be married to Patrick Dempsey.

P.S. After my last post, my cousin and lifetime partner in crime, Hillary, suggested that during Lent I title all my posts with a Facebook status update. So, even though today’s title is increasingly embarrassing, I’m going to attempt this. It can’t get any worse than “Tami is farting feathers,” can it?


Practically Perfect... said...

You are so funny! I think that the plastic surgery gods have spoken, and that you should listen! I have already told Chris that as soon as we're done having little ones, it's straight to the surgeon for me!

Kelsey Claire said...

I am intrigued by the whole upside down boob I must admit. Let us know how botox goes!

Amy Lynn said...

Hahaha, I have never heard of that expression either, but it sure did make me laugh! I love the idea of titling your posts as Facebook statuses. Especially if they are all as amusing!

Good luck with the Botox ;-) And I vote for before and after pictures please!

Just Add Walter said...

before and after pictures are a must!! I am also heading to the plastic surgeon the second I am finished with having kids...

Stephanie said...

A: LOVE the FB updates - Hillary was right.
B: OMG - you are actually going to get Botox?! I heard it was super painful!!! Can't wait to read the blog about it!
C: I love that the boob company sent you a check -- but if they did, it might be pay-off money. You should check into it - maybe they actually owe you more

Hillary said...

1. Thanks for the shout-out, and I love the status update titles.
2. Love the word "anyboob" and am going to start incorporating it into my daily vocabulary.
3. Since we are buying the babies, I've pretty much gotten the okay to get a boob job myself. I however, will be going in the opposite direction as you.
4. Shawn made that term up, it doesn't exist.
5. Good luck on the Botox!
6. I have a feeling the status title can and most likely will get worse.

Taylor said...

Oooh I love Botox! I just had it for the first time a couple of months ago, but I love it!!! You could also have a Botox party and get it for free!

Taylor said...

No problem! I had my whole forehead done. They put on some numbing cream first and I don't think it worked b/c I definitely wasn't numb. It still didn't hurt though; it was no big deal.

Also, just FYI, I hear that getting it done at a party is cheaper. A MD still does it, but ours was only $10/unit versus I think $13-15. Let me know if you have any more questions!

The Kid said...

Real cute blog you got :)

I love your theme...

Taylor-Made Wife said...

hahaha.farting feathers...I've never heard that either. Lol. Keep us updated on how Botox goes. I heard it hurts really bad, but hey sometimes beauty is worth the costs :)

Amy said...

I Love this post!!
And yes, I'm a huge believer in signs and the universe is definitely telling you to go get botox!!!

Also, I think Shawn is still mad at that 6th grader. (Sorry Shawn:(

Can't believe you got a $200 check!! So freaking cool!!

Tracie said...

I think the universe is trying to tell ME something. This is the 4th or 5th post I've read about Botox in the last 2 days.

And my forehead looks like a
shar pei so I don't need too much convincing. What's the deal with an upside down boob?

Baby Wanted said...

First, I want to say thank you so much for leaving such a sweet, heartfelt comment on my meant so much to me! I love your blog-you are what I want to be someday: a hot MILF! LOL! :) Girl, I say go for the botox-you got your sign loud and clear!

I have been wanting to coupon...thanks for posting the helpful hints. I'm going to try and start couponing this weekend when I get the sunday paper.

Yankee Girl said...

I am all for Botox. I don't need it yet (please don't hate me) but when I do, I will be the woman with the plastic surgeon on speed dial as well.

I wear sunglasses all the time and people think I'm crazy. Or blind. But it might be working.

Kristin said...

The hub has forbade me to get the 'tox. Isn't that cute? He thinks he can boss me. Ah ha ha. He never tries...but every once and a while he puts his foot down. I can't help but laugh. He loves that.

Sara said...

Oh!!! I want botox too!!! Come visit and we'll go together? Or I can come to you? Or we could meet in the middle. In the meantime, I've got some super cute Chanel sunglasses to hide my problem area. :)

The Girl Next Door Grows Up said...

Oh for heaven's sake, that was so funny!

How many wrinkles can you have? You are 30!! Wait until you are 36 1/2, like me! Then you will know about wrinkles!

It is hard to belive 6 years makes that much difference, but it does. Start saving up now :-))

LOve your blog - am following you now!

Laura and Ryan said...

I know that I am well on my way to wrinkles...I'm not above getting botox when I'm 30!

I think you look great! Well, it helps that you make me laugh my ass off too!