Wednesday, February 10, 2010

That’s how people die.

As promised, the continuation of Chicago…

On Saturday we had no plans except to go shopping on Chicago’s “Magnificent Mile” and have dinner at Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse.

The shopping sounded like a lot fun, in theory.  It may have been more fun, in oh, let’s say June?  To say it was colder than a well digger’s ass is an understatement. 

While we were walking to the less than magnificent mile, we passed by The Trump International Hotel and Tower.

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Shawn was impressed by the building, and I was impressed at it’s ability to block the wind.  Speaking of wind.  At one point Shawn said, “Wow.  Chicago is really windy.  Look how windy it is!”  Hi, welcome to Earth, have we met?  Isn’t Chicago nicknamed “The Windy City?”

By the time we made it to Michigan Avenue, I seriously just wanted to find a bar and have a drink.  When I told Shawn this he said (and I quote) “That’s how people die.”  Dually noted.

So, I trudged pressed on.  We went to Eddie Bauer, Crate & Barrel, Nike Town, The Garmin Store (don’t ask), The Apple Store (bor-ing), The Disney Store, H & M, Forever 21, The Hershey Store, and ended up at Water Tower Place. 

Do you know who lives at Water Tower Place?  Well, Shawn says Oprah does, but I can’t for the life of me figure out why she would want to live in a mall.  Anywho, other than Oprah?

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The infamous American Girl “Lanie” doll.  Lainey has no idea we went to the American Girl Store and Shawn says I’m a horrible mother for even taking this picture.  By the way, we looked like total creepers going in there without a kid and then taking a picture in front of a display.

Probably not any creepier than this though:

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On the way back to our hotel we stopped at the ESPN Zone for (a very late) lunch.  Definitely not my first choice, but I’m a good wife sometimes.  I ignored the 5000 flat screens and focused on a Long Island Iced Tea.

At one point, Shawn asked me if I was thirsty.  I told him no, that the buzz was going to keep me warm on the walk back.  He said, “That’s how people die.”  Ok, I get it now.  According to him this is how drunks occasionally freeze to death, because they can’t feel the cold on account of the buzz.  I said, “Cheers!” and ordered another one.

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This guy was the door man at the ESPN Zone, and on my way to the bathroom he told me he liked my hair.  Then, later, he told Shawn the same thing.  At that point Shawn laughed and then had diarrhea of the mouth, and told him “Black guys always like her hair.”  That’s not awkward.  At. All.

In an effort to (apparently) make matters worse, I slurred said, “Yeah, and people think I’m black.”  Oh no.  Did I just say that out loud?  I think I did.

So, I do believe that was our first and last visit to The ESPN Zone.  I swear I didn’t sabotage that on purpose.

When we finally made it back to the hotel, we rested for awhile and marveled at our purchases:

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Don’t act like you’re not impressed.  In case you couldn’t tell, that’s all for my kids, well except for the ear muffs I purchased (out of sheer desperation) at Eddie Bauer.  You know you’re a Mom when you go shopping on Michigan Avenue in Chicago and everything you buy is for your kids.

Our dinner reservation at Ruth’s Chris was at 6 pm, and luckily it was right across from our hotel, otherwise I may have been a no-show.

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This was our first time eating at a Ruth’s Chris.  Shawn was ridiculously excited, but I was feeling less than stellar.  I’m not sure if it was the 2 Long Islands from earlier, the sight of all the red meat, or the $120 bill, but something made me nauseous.  In an effort to speed the evening up I told Shawn he was gaining a pound just by eating that steak, and that I could actually see him getting fatter.  Check please.

So, on our last night in Chicago we were in bed by 7:30 watching this:

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Good times people, good times.

Don’t forget to enter my cookie giveaway!

17 comments:

Dan, Claire, Jayda and Cash said...

Long time lurker, now a follower, love your blog, thanks for giving me a good laugh! Did you tell that guy you were black before or after you got the picture? hahaha

Semi-Slacker Mom said...

You are killing me with the blck dude! I can't believe you did not buy that baby that doll!;)

jv726 said...

That was hilarious about the guy at ESPN zone! I love it, and I love Chicago but it is definitely not a winter time destination :) Did you go to the Sears Tower (Willis Tower, whatevs) and stand in those creepy glass boxes? Those things are freaky! :)

Hillary said...

I would like to say your conversation with the the espn guy surprised me...it didn't. It did however crack me right up!!!

Yes, Oprah does live at the top of the Watertower building. But No, Chicago is not actually named the Windy City because of the actual wind. Remind me to tell you sometime why it has this nickname.

Shawn looks super creepers in that picture by the way!

Sara said...

I love this post! All that shopping (and drinking) sounds wonderful!!

ps. I heard on the radio (Y98, I think) that they're giving away one of those Lanie dolls.

Amy said...

OMG..Shawn is freaking hilarious with that "That's how you die!"
If that's the case there are going to be a lot of casualties on Bourbon street in the next week!

It just got super cold here...well for down here! (30 degrees)

I LOVE the new blog layout! Super cute mama:)

Kelsey Claire said...

Love it. I think I would rather die drunk and not realize I was cold than just die cold. Looked like you had a great time and I probably would have been in bed by 7:30 as well!

Practically Perfect... said...

This story made me laugh! How funny!

And yes, Chicago is VERY windy. You'd think people would know this, but I once went there with a group of girls, all from Indiana, and they only had their coats. Only their coats! No hats, gloves, or scarves. I had to set up a "rotation" of my stuff so that none of us froze to death!

Jen said...

I know I told you this last night when I was talking to you, but I love the new design!!

As usual this post had me cracking up. I think when we go shopping all we may do is laugh. Damn, you are so funny.

Remind me to tell you the story about the little racial incident I was involved in a long time ago. It's funny too.

I will talk to you soon!

wife.mom.nurse said...

as always. You make me laugh :)

I've never been to Chicago. But if I do, I'll be sure not to drink...people die that way.

Lol!

Laura and Ryan said...

LOL! I love it..."People think I'm black" hahahahaha

I also LOVE that you took a picture with him! You're right. Not awkward at all :)

Erin said...

SO funny! I love Ruth's Chris, sorry you weren't feeling great at the time.

And Mean Girls is classic. Love that movie!

Christine said...

Hi! You were randomly picked as my winner for yesterday's Husband project giveaway! I didn't see your email right away I'll look again if it's not posted please email me so I can send you your present! cecoakley@gmail.com

Thank you for participating!!

Blair @ Reasonably Swanky said...

I LOVE NYC!! So you know I am loving this post!
We took my niece to the American Girl place in NYC last year, she was in HEAVEN!!! I was bored as hell and left early to hit up Macy*s...ha!
Have a great day!
xo
Blair

Stephanie said...

"Everyone thinks I'm black"

LOVE IT!

Nishant said...

I can't believe you did not buy that baby that doll!

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Llama said...

What a fun time! You so have to get that doll for her some day!!! Poor thing! haha! Ruth's Chris is amazing although the sizzling butter and large steaks do make my waist feel bigger just looking at it...although my mouth still waters...yummmmmm