That’s how people die.

As promised, the continuation of Chicago…

On Saturday we had no plans except to go shopping on Chicago’s “Magnificent Mile” and have dinner at Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse.

The shopping sounded like a lot fun, in theory.  It may have been more fun, in oh, let’s say June?  To say it was colder than a well digger’s ass is an understatement. 

While we were walking to the less than magnificent mile, we passed by The Trump International Hotel and Tower.

Shawn was impressed by the building, and I was impressed at it’s ability to block the wind.  Speaking of wind.  At one point Shawn said, “Wow.  Chicago is really windy.  Look how windy it is!”  Hi, welcome to Earth, have we met?  Isn’t Chicago nicknamed “The Windy City?”

By the time we made it to Michigan Avenue, I seriously just wanted to find a bar and have a drink.  When I told Shawn this he said (and I quote) “That’s how people die.”  Dually noted.

So, I trudged pressed on.  We went to Eddie Bauer, Crate & Barrel, Nike Town, The Garmin Store (don’t ask), The Apple Store (bor-ing), The Disney Store, H & M, Forever 21, The Hershey Store, and ended up at Water Tower Place. 

Do you know who lives at Water Tower Place?  Well, Shawn says Oprah does, but I can’t for the life of me figure out why she would want to live in a mall.  Anywho, other than Oprah?

 

The infamous American Girl “Lanie” doll.  Lainey has no idea we went to the American Girl Store and Shawn says I’m a horrible mother for even taking this picture.  By the way, we looked like total creepers going in there without a kid and then taking a picture in front of a display.

Probably not any creepier than this though:

 

On the way back to our hotel we stopped at the ESPN Zone for (a very late) lunch.  Definitely not my first choice, but I’m a good wife sometimes.  I ignored the 5000 flat screens and focused on a Long Island Iced Tea.

At one point, Shawn asked me if I was thirsty.  I told him no, that the buzz was going to keep me warm on the walk back.  He said, “That’s how people die.”  Ok, I get it now.  According to him this is how drunks occasionally freeze to death, because they can’t feel the cold on account of the buzz.  I said, “Cheers!” and ordered another one.

 

This guy was the door man at the ESPN Zone, and on my way to the bathroom he told me he liked my hair.  Then, later, he told Shawn the same thing.  At that point Shawn laughed and then had diarrhea of the mouth, and told him “Black guys always like her hair.”  That’s not awkward.  At. All.

In an effort to (apparently) make matters worse, I slurred said, “Yeah, and people think I’m black.”  Oh no.  Did I just say that out loud?  I think I did.

So, I do believe that was our first and last visit to The ESPN Zone.  I swear I didn’t sabotage that on purpose.

When we finally made it back to the hotel, we rested for awhile and marveled at our purchases:

Don’t act like you’re not impressed.  In case you couldn’t tell, that’s all for my kids, well except for the ear muffs I purchased (out of sheer desperation) at Eddie Bauer.  You know you’re a Mom when you go shopping on Michigan Avenue in Chicago and everything you buy is for your kids.

Our dinner reservation at Ruth’s Chris was at 6 pm, and luckily it was right across from our hotel, otherwise I may have been a no-show.

This was our first time eating at a Ruth’s Chris.  Shawn was ridiculously excited, but I was feeling less than stellar.  I’m not sure if it was the 2 Long Islands from earlier, the sight of all the red meat, or the $120 bill, but something made me nauseous.  In an effort to speed the evening up I told Shawn he was gaining a pound just by eating that steak, and that I could actually see him getting fatter.  Check please.

So, on our last night in Chicago we were in bed by 7:30 watching this:

Good times people, good times.

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