Friday, March 5, 2010

Confessions of a snarky ghetto-fabulous wanna-be runner.

Last fall my friend Abbie started running.  At some point I said “Let’s run a race together!”  So, in the spirit of “go big or go home,” we decided on the Fifth Third River Bank Run.  For those of you who aren’t familiar with it, this race is huge.  It features the largest 25K road race in the country!




Ok, well, guess what?  I haven’t exactly been running lately.  And when I say “lately” I mean not one single time since August when my boob went wonky.  It’s not like I forgot about the race, which by the way is May 8, it’s just that I don’t run outside in the winter.  I also don’t run on the treadmill, so don’t even bother with that suggestion.

So, the other day I’m talking to Abbie and I’m all “Are we still going to run the Fifth Third?” (please say no)  And she’s all “Yeah, of course.” (damn it)  Then I’m all “Which run should we do?” (please don’t say 25K)  And she was like “Let’s do the 10K.” (Thank you, baby Jesus!)  That’s when I was like “Ok, sounds good.  I haven’t been running in awhile, but I’ll start tomorrow and it’ll be all good.” (Liar!)

I think that was Monday.  So, today I thought ok, I can do this.  The sun is shining, birds are singing (not really), and my boob is in good shape.

Well, here’s the thing.  It’s still cold.  40 degrees today, to be exact.  And I don’t have any clothes for cold weather running.  I looked for the Nike running tights I had in 7th and 8th grade for cross country, but I couldn’t find them.  I know I had them in this house, but I think Shawn made me get rid of them since they were from 7th grade.  I shouldn’t have listened to him, because does spandex really go bad?

But, like the fat lady and the jumping jacks, I was not going to be deterred.  Here’s where it gets ghetto fabulous.  I found some leggings, as in leggings that go under a dress, and then put yoga pants over top of them.  Next, I layered a wife beater over my sports bra and then put on a North Face shirt.  Oh, I almost forgot!  I also put some giant socks on and pulled them up like tube socks over the leggings.  Last, add a super girl bandana to my head, and I’m ready to run!


Yeah, ok.  So, I looked nothing like that.  I hobbled.  I huffed.  I puffed.  I hawked a loogy at someone’s dog.  I cursed out my iPod because the Nike-Sensor-Whore was not updating me on my miles.  I tripped on my shoelace.  I froze my arse off.  I flipped off some teenage boys.  But, in the end, I did it.

When I got home I realized I had only gone 3.2 miles.  Oh well.  My pace was 10 minutes, which is not even close to where I was last summer.  Again, oh well.  I still burned 350 calories, and I did it with a smile.  Ha.  Yeah right, who am I kidding?  I was pissed the whole time.


Paige said...

LMAO. this is hilarious! I just love your blog! I would be ticked running the entire time. I need your inspiration to run, so bad!

Taylor-Made Wife said...

Why o why did you not take a picture of yourself for my viewing pleasure?!?!? I'm really glad to hear you decided to do it. You'll be great come May, thats still a long time in "training time". Oh- and screw you for being able to still fit into running tights from 7th grade cross country.

Kelly said...

That is so that you flipped the bird and hawked a loogy all in one're the kinda gal I'd become friends with...and could I use a good run! Good for you for finishing and burning 350 cals is no little feat! Found you through Theta Mom...following now!

Blair @ Reasonably Swanky said...

This is hilarious!!!
I am loving your new blog layout! It looks great! Sorry I have been bad about commenting...crazy week!


~Bekah said...

Once again, i'm ROFLOL!!! wow..i can vividly picture it... geese...i wish we lived in the same town b/c i'd so have gone w/ u and made a fool outta myself to make u feel better! lol..

d.a.r. said...

The mental image of this is absolutely priceless!!!

Sara said...

Ha ha ha ha! I'd love to see a picture of that! And 10 minute miles are good, right! You make me feel so slow. :)

Hillary said...

Ouch, that sounded pretty miserable, given how you rocked last summer! Isn't there an indoor track somewhere?!?! I'm all about flipping the bird, and hocking a big one but please tell me you missed the dog?!?!

Maybe today you should get some real running tights, I'm just saying. And...don't forget you are going to do the Madison Mini (half) Marathon with me in August!

Christa said... did more than I could do! I'm cussing and puffing after a damn mile!!

Lindsey said...

And the calories burned is all that matters! I run the same way though friend!

Jen said...

Once again you are cracking me the F up! Also once again I sooo wish we lived closer so we could work out/run together.

I've been thinking about running in a race for a while now, but I just don't know. It seems like so much damn work ;) I mean I "run" everyday at the gym on the treadmill, but the thought of runningoutside kinda makes me panic. At the gym i "run" for three minutes, walk for two minutes and repeat that series until my 30 minutes is up. And plus there is a tv there to help pass the time.

Love the image of you flipping off the kids by the way.

You go girl!!
Talk to you soon

Danielle said...

I'm not an outside cold runner either...and hate the "dreadmill" it's been awhile since I've run. I lungs are hurting at the thought of it. But this weekend is going to be in the 50's and that seems crazy not to get moving again.

Stephanie said...

What a great idea! I am going running on the train tomorrow morning and I never thought about putting leggings on under my yoga pants! Totally going to do it!

I found last fall that if I put on a t-shirt, fleece and then a hooded sweatshirt, I usually stay warm.

jv726 said...

I love the description of your outfit! I dont run outside either, but I do run on the treadmill even though it can get dreadfully boring. Good luck on your race! I want to do a 5K this year sometime...I suppose I should find one :)

Semi-Slacker Mom said...

I wore that outfit to the turnaround yesterday. Seriously, no picture. WTH? All I can say is run, forrest, run! :) While I sit my fat arse in this chair.

Heather said...

I have started back at running this week cause we are finally starting to have some descent weather. I have always wanted to run a race. Can't wait to hear all about it!

Kelsey Claire @Lavender, Leopard, and Lace said...

What? No pictures! Shame on you! Way to go girl. I have always wanted to be a runner, but I don't think that is going to happen. Do it for the both of us!

The Girl Next Door Grows Up said...

Yay - at least you did it!

Did it take longer to run or get dressed :-)

Heidi said...

I love that race. It's pretty flat and pretty fast. Post pictures...especially if this is the Abbie that I know, too!

Amy said...

If you're starting off with a 10 minute mile pace that's damn good. You will only improve...and 10 minute miles is pretty damn good anyway.

Also? Invest in some good running pants/shorts for August. I ran in yoga pants for my half marathon, and I was chafed in some REALLY, UNPLEASANT areas.

Good for short runs, but yoga pants mauled me on the long run:(