Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know I promised you on Friday that I wouldn’t talk about vaginas anymore, well, I lied. I’m probably going to lose followers over this, but whatever. We’ve got major vagina problems over here people, and I need your opinions on Problem #2.
Problem #1: Labial Adhesion. Do you know what that is? Long story short, it’s when your vagina fuses shut. For reals. This is actually a very common condition for little girls, and can start at 2-3 months old. It’s easily treated with Premarin (hormone) cream, but if left untreated could require surgery. You can imagine what that would feel like!
Anywho-ha. Lainey had this and I thought it was all better until a couple weeks ago when she was all “My pee pee hurts, my pee pee hurts!” I take a looksy and sure enough, it’s almost half closed. Whoops! Is this something I was supposed to be monitoring?
So, I call the pediatrician’s office and after lots of vagina talk, I get the prescription called in. But, then! When I went to pick it up it was $45, and that was with my insurance! I told the girl No Way (!), so she ran it again and then was like “Yeah, it’s $45, so just pay for your crotch cream and get out of here.” Ok, she didn’t actually speak those words, but the look on her face totally said that.
Problem #2: Urinary Dysfunction Syndrome. Didn’t we already talk about this? I thought so. Yeah, I know, it’s like a broken record. Alivia’s had 2-3 accidents at school within the last 2 weeks. So, I got an order called in today, so I could drop off a urine specimen in the morning. But, when I got home I remembered that I actually have urine dip sticks here at home! Hello! Nothing like feeling really smart and really stupid all at the same time.
Well, I dipped the urine, and of course it was positive. We already have a refill for her antibiotics, so at first I thought “Sweet! I’m gonna treat this UTI myself, and I don’t even need those biatches at the Dr.’s office!" But, then I thought if I don’t take the urine in then I have no proof of the infection and no proof that this is still an ongoing problem. Damn it.
So, what to do? What to do? I think I should take the urine in, but I’m irritated that I’ll have to pay $40 (for the lab test) to find out something that I already know. And, what about the pediatric urologist’s office? That’s where I really want to go for an appointment, but that nurse-practitioner-biatch last time was all “Next time you can just take her to her pediatrician.” Boo.
Lainey keeps telling me everyday “Mom, I want a brother! I want a brother!” I don’t think I could handle it, who knows what kind of problems there are with penises?