Thursday, August 5, 2010

Dial-up = Divorce.

The other day upon checking my email I found there to be four (yes, 4!) emails from Charter stating something along the lines that we had “illegally downloaded copyrighted content from the internet.”  At first I thought it was spam, but as I scrolled down I saw that the original email was from HBO, and the content in question was some episodes of True Blood.

TrueBlood_Poster

True Blood?  You mean the same True Blood that my husband had been watching only days earlier.  Busted!  Initially, I found it somewhat comical, since he finally got caught.  But, as I scrolled down further through the email I saw that Charter stated they “reserve the right to cancel our internet service.”

Wait a minute.  Wha wha what?!  Cancel my service?  I don’t think so.  Now I was pissed.  Not at Charter or HBO, but at Shawn.  I rang his work phone and his cell phone at least 10 times, until he finally picked up.  I think he was on a doughnut break, but he won’t admit to it.  He didn’t necessarily laugh at the situation, but I could tell he wasn’t taking it seriously, and just stated “Whatever.  I’ll take care of it.”

He deleted the “content” as soon as he got home, but again, he was totally making light of the situation.  Enter this conversation:

 

Me:  “Don’t you get how serious this is?  People get fined and go to jail for this type of thing!” 

Shawn:  “Nobody’s going to jail.”

Me:  “You better not ever do it again, that’s all I have to say!  You know, Charter said they could cancel our service!”

Shawn:  “Yeah, and that would suck because there’s no other internet service around here.”

Me:  “Um, hello!  Then, you’d get in trouble at work too, since you’re required to have internet at home!”

Shawn:  “Well, we could always get dial-up.”

Me:  “What?”

Shawn:  “I said, there’s always dial-up.”

Me:  “If we had to get dial-up because of all this, I would divorce you.  I’m telling you that right now, I would divorce you.”

Shawn:  “You would divorce me because I made you get dial-up?”

Me:  “Yes, I would!  Now, wouldn’t that be embarrassing for you to have to tell people?”

Shawn:  “Uh, yeah.  That would be embarrassing.”

Me:  “I bet I could even get an annulment.  The priest would totally understand!”

Shawn:  “Ugh.”

Tami:  “You want to know the worst part about this?  You made me watch that show with you the other night and you warned me there was going to be nudity in it.  And there was nudity, but it was all boobs and vaginas!  I didn’t even get to see any cock.  Unbelievable.”

(I think that might have been the end of the conversation, because what more can you even say after that?)

 

I’m not exactly sure what the moral of this story is.  And, I’m quite sure I’ll probably lose at least one follower after this post.  Such is life.  At least I’m posting this from my high speed internet, so I have that going for me, which is nice.

31 comments:

Cristy said...

Your conversations with your husband are HILARIOUS. You guys seem to have so much fun together, I love it.

It reminds me a lot of conversations my husband and I have...although I have to admit that somehow the word cock hasn't entered our convos today, yet. Ha.

purseblogger said...

LOL! You crack me up girl! I have never seen this True Blood and dang if they don't show any cock! Bwahaha!

Claire said...

Bwahahaha!! That is priceless. And yeah, I would defiitely petition the church on those grounds. I would be pissed too, I think you should mock up an email to him from your internet provider giving the date and time of cancellation. Thanks for the laugh!

ty said...

hahahaaa i like where your head's at. i think there's a box to check on the paperwork for "overabundance of totties."

Tiffany said...

Too funny! I would totally divorce over dial up.

Charbelle said...

LOL, what a conversation! I would have been equally as horrified by the thought of dial up!!
I "borrow" internet but I do have a wireless card from Verizon when I'm not able to borrow.

April said...

HA! So funny :) I will pray that the Charter people have mercy on your soul and your marriage, and do not force you to get dial-up. That would indeed be grounds for divorce :)

apaprikao said...

I would totally get a divorce over dial-up too. The thought makes me shudder!!

Very funny post.

Ange said...

I am sorry Shawn, but I have to side with Tami on this one; that would totally be grounds for divorce.

As for True Blood not showing any cock... I feel your pain. They don't on "Hung" either.

The Random Blogette said...

LMAO! I would totally get divorced over dial-up. Although I have threatened to shut off our internet service because my husband is always downloading viruses and screwing up the computer. Thank God I work for an IT company so the boys can fix my computer if I need them to! No cock=bad show.

Jess said...

The fact that you used to word "cock" in a blog post has entertained me to no end. Hilarious.
You sound like my husband and I. Except mine is in IT, so he knows how to do all that stuff without anyone tracking him. Which just makes me feel icky.

Lil' Woman said...

Cock!Cock!Cock!
Lol....you crack me up girl and if any baby ears can't take reading those words then they shouldn't be on the internet, I'm sure they get worse things in spam... :)

I agree on both points:
1. Dial up would ensue in divorce
2. It's bullshit that they only show boobs and vag on tv, if I want to see that I'll look in the mirror. I want to see penis dammit!

Sparkling said...

You're not losing this reader!!

Melissa said...

Yeah. Dial-up isn't going to work. And no cock? That just isn't fair.

Good luck!

Amy said...

Totally on your side on this one!

STOP IT SHAWN! PAY FOR YOUR DAMN BOOBS AND VAGINAS NEXT TIME!!

Oh, wait...that sounds bad.

You're Lucky I Don't Have a Gun... said...

Charter called me last night. they said your ass is grass.

Kassie said...

I so enjoyed this post!

Jen said...

As usual your post had me cracking up!! I'm in total agreement...you must have internet and it must not be dial-up!! Seriously, it would take you days to blog and use facebook with dial up. What the hell was Shawn thinking!!??

The Kid said...

lol! I cannot believe you are giving self incriminating evidence here :)

btw, the movie poster is soo awesome!

Erin said...

ha ha ha that is super funny. Love that you got soo pist and he was just like yeah whatever haha :)

* Tyly * said...

Dial up = divorce. Completely deserved, completely justified.

James watches True Blood religiously {on HBO that we pay for - lol}, and yes, there's a buttload of woman nudity! How in the heck is that fair? Boobs and vaginas everywhere, but no penis.

Meghan said...

OH MY GOSH! Seriously, I am sharing this conversation with my husband RIGHT NOW because that is exactly how we watch "True Blood" too!

Seriously, though. I know there is a lot of boobage, but tell me you don't love Eric...

Eric Pell said...

Long time reader, first time poster.

Easy solution... Ignorance. You have wifi but couldn't figure out the password stuff so you made it easy to connect and removed the password. You'd never watch something as dirty as True Blood and can't understand who would download something like that.

MommyLovesStilettos said...

LMAO! No cock for you! hahahaha that is too funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

d.a.r. said...

OMG dial up?!?! Haha! I would kill Z!

Jessica said...

This most definitely sounds like a conversation that I would have with Dearest. But, I can't post these things on my blog because I'm a future elementary school teacher. Damn the luck!

Tracie said...

If I had a pre-nup I would put having dial up as grounds for divorce and lots of alimony and child support.

Llama said...

hahaha! that is hysterical! true blood is a sight to see...after last nights episode i think youll def have to be careful what ends up on your computer haha! tell him to order it!

Sarah said...

LOL!!! We got a certified letter about some movies that we downloaded. So my hubby switched websites that he downloads from...I can email it to you if you want! :)

{Kimber} said...

Wait...I'm confused...do y'all not have HBO and he was "illegally" watching it somehow?

True Blood is AWESOMENESS!! there is A LOT of boobage and ginas but seeing Eric makes it all worth it!! :)

{Kimber} said...

one other True Blood comment, being FROM Louisiana we DO NOT talk like that...for the record :)