Sunday, August 15, 2010

Shoe Identity Crisis or Epic Fail.

If you were going to New York City for a wedding, you’d probably want a new dress, right?  Let’s say you bought a new dress, but then after wearing it to another wedding, you thought the dress made you look frumpy.  Well, then you’d definitely have to buy another one, right?  Right. 

So, then you’ll mistakenly take your children with you to a local boutique, only to have them gasp at your naked body in the dressing room, and then follow that up with a giant fart.  When you finally decide on a dress and attempt to pay, one daughter might knock all the magazines off a table while another daughter will probably manhandle a fake boob insert at the cash register.

Sigh.  After all this drama you decide you need new shoes too, but will definitely go by yourself.  When you spot these at DSW, you know they are the ones:

DSC_0638 

Right?  Wrong.  When you get home you’ll find that your dress, which you thought was a champagne color, is actually a silvery gray.  Sigh.  Do you know what else that means?  It means that none of the jewelry you bought will work either.  Damn it. 

Is it possible that you will attempt another shopping trip with your children, if your husband is there for back up?  Maybe.  For the perfect shoes a woman might do anything.

You’ll decide on black shoes, but you won’t listen to your instincts.  The 30 year old Mom side of you says simple black pumps, but the I’m-going-to-New-York-without-my-husband-or-kids side says:

DSC_0642

When you get home you’ll try them on only to realize these shoes are sort of screaming “Slut!”  You know you want to keep them, but they don’t look right with the dress.  And let’s face it, someone who’s a full-time Mom and a part-time nurse doesn’t have a whole lotta need for either pair of these shoes. 

But, wait.  There’s still one more.  Luckily, you spotted something at Marshall’s today which you’ve been lusting after for over a year, and does go with your wardrobe:ugg

Ahh.  Ugg Slippers.  I wonder if they’ll go with the dress?

22 comments:

blueviolet said...

Keep screwing up and picking stuff you like but that won't go with the dress. Return nothing and you'll have a full wardrobe in no time!

Amanda M. said...

OMG. I LOVE LOVE LOVE both pair of those shoes and SO wish I could wear them...but I a six feet tall with the coordination and grace of a drunk giraffe. Alas, any heel that is not stacked and under 2 inches doesn't reside in my closet. :( I think you should keep both pair of shoes anyway.
Also: I got those slippers for my b-day last year. :)

Kelsey Claire said...

It is so hard being a women. I mean really! I think you should just keep buying until you find something perfect. I mean you gotta look good in New York!

Christa said...

Love those shoes!!! Super cute! I have been shopping all damn weekend hunting for teaching clothes...it has been stressful!!

Ange said...

KEEP the slut shoes or... send them to me. I have a ton of slut shoes, but always have room for more.

Sparkling said...

Step away from the UGGS. I mean it. TAKE THEM BACK. They have UG in them for a reason. They are UGly. For the love of GOD, at least get them in black if you have to keep them. Then when they get dirty we don't all have to know. This is what happens when you teach 12 year olds all day and they wear their UGGS year round. See my post about it on my blog from the spring! UGGS might actually be the death of me.

I do however really like the first pair of heels though I have no occasion in my life where those should be worn. Imagine if I started the school year in those. They'd think I'd lost it for sure.

Practically Perfect... said...

Oh, my friend - you are so funny! I totally have a pair of black, slutty shoes that I break out on occasion :-) Every girl ought to have a pair in her closet, part-time nurse/full-time mom or not! That really stinks that the first pair of shoes weren't the right color - they're so cute!

Michelle said...

You make me laugh! I loved this post. The UGG slippers definitely go with my wardrobe better than the other two pairs of shoes.

Lil' Woman said...

I like the slut shoes too but the slippers would def. go better with my wardrobe.

Shell said...

I try to convince myself that flip flops go with everything.

purseblogger said...

I love it girl! Slippers go with anything. :)

Amber said...

That's TOO funny, I almost bought that first pair of snake skin shoes from DSW yesterday:) They are about the cutest shoes ever, I opted for a red pair that I needed to match a belt instead:( I think I'll wait for them to go on sale and then go back for them!!!

Sazzle said...

I LOVE both pairs! Rock the black - they aren't slutty! But, what size shoe do you wear? If you wear a 7 I can hook you up!

Charbelle said...

hahhahahahahahahahahahahaha those slippers look fabulous!!! I couldn't get over how many "booty" shoes I saw this weekend at the restaurant. I really like the first pair that you posted!! What if you found a dress to go with those shoes and those accessories?

{Kimber} said...

dude I don't think they are slutty at all!!!! I heart them!!

maybe we should see said dress??

and those slippers SHOULD match everything, just sayin' :)

MommyLovesStilettos said...

OMG I'm in love with the shoes!!!

Amy said...

Ah, this just made me want to go shopping. Desperately!

Hillary said...

Mmmm, those slippers look like a little slice of heaven.

Amanda said...

Oh my gosh! Did you take my daughter shopping? Not only has my daughter gasped when I was trying clothes on, I also got "mom, did you stop your diet?". And the fart thing, totally normal except my daughter feels the need to follow it with "oops, I farted" just to make sure everyone is aware of her slip up (or should I say slip out). And I am the master of knocking things off shelves, which is the only reason I bring my daughter shopping, so I have someone else to blame it on.
Love the slut shoes!

Jessica said...

I didn't think that they were SCREAMING slut. Maybe a whisper, but they couldn't be THAT bad, right?

Can we see a picture of the dress, fool?! How could you leave that out?

undomestic chica said...

You're hilarious! I love the first pair of shoes, and the second do not scream slut. But, if there's any place you could wear slutty shoes, it would be a place without your kids!

Heather said...

shopping+kids= crazy mama! every time!!! why do i still try it??

when do we "need" shoes?? :)