If you were going to New York City for a wedding, you’d probably want a new dress, right? Let’s say you bought a new dress, but then after wearing it to another wedding, you thought the dress made you look frumpy. Well, then you’d definitely have to buy another one, right? Right.
So, then you’ll mistakenly take your children with you to a local boutique, only to have them gasp at your naked body in the dressing room, and then follow that up with a giant fart. When you finally decide on a dress and attempt to pay, one daughter might knock all the magazines off a table while another daughter will probably manhandle a fake boob insert at the cash register.
Sigh. After all this drama you decide you need new shoes too, but will definitely go by yourself. When you spot these at DSW, you know they are the ones:
Right? Wrong. When you get home you’ll find that your dress, which you thought was a champagne color, is actually a silvery gray. Sigh. Do you know what else that means? It means that none of the jewelry you bought will work either. Damn it.
Is it possible that you will attempt another shopping trip with your children, if your husband is there for back up? Maybe. For the perfect shoes a woman might do anything.
You’ll decide on black shoes, but you won’t listen to your instincts. The 30 year old Mom side of you says simple black pumps, but the I’m-going-to-New-York-without-my-husband-or-kids side says:
When you get home you’ll try them on only to realize these shoes are sort of screaming “Slut!” You know you want to keep them, but they don’t look right with the dress. And let’s face it, someone who’s a full-time Mom and a part-time nurse doesn’t have a whole lotta need for either pair of these shoes.
Ahh. Ugg Slippers. I wonder if they’ll go with the dress?