My Top 10 Favorite Things That Happened During My Hospital Stay:

(a little long, but possibly worth it!)

10. When I started feeling weird at work, one of my co-workers took my vitals, and then proceeded to ask me if I was “losing a lot of fluids?”  I stared at her blankly and she said “You know, like blood or diarrhea?”  Um, no.  And P.S. What the Hell?

9.  When I saw the (first) neurologist in the ER, he told me I was going to have to spend the night, and I told him no way.  Then, he asked me if I wanted my husband to leave the room, so we could speak freely.  Apparently, my not wanting to stay at the hospital indicated that my husband was abusive.  Shawn found this hilarious, as did I, which did not bode well with the doctor.  Not that abuse is at all funny, but given the reason I was there, it was an awkward question.

8.  After I adamantly told the neurologist I wasn’t spending the night, he left and said we would talk about it later.  No more than a minute later, a nurse came in and gave me a Xanax.  It wasn’t until the next day, that I realized I was tricked.  He clearly had given me the Xanax so I would stop protesting.

7.  I got to ride an ambulance.  Not to the hospital initially, but from one hospital to another hospital.  They told me I wouldn’t be charged for the ambulance ride because the ride was due to the fact that there were no rooms at the first hospital.  Before they wheeled me out of the ambulance and into the second hospital, the EMT handed me a paper to sign, so they could “bill my insurance.”  What the?

6.  At the second hospital, the nurse admitted me into my room and did a ridiculously long assessment questionnaire.  When she got to “Occupation,” I said “Nurse.”  To which she said “WHAT?”  Again, I said “Nurse.”  And then she said, “Nobody told me that!”  So I said “Were they supposed to?”  And then, are you ready for this?  She said “Yes, I would have treated you differently.”  Then she looked at me like she couldn’t believe she just said that out loud.  Awk.Ward.

5.  At 3pm I told nurse OMG-I-can’t-believe-you’re-a-nurse that I hadn’t eaten since 5 am, and I was getting really hungry.  She told me she’d order me a tray, and then an hour later she came back and told me the person bringing me my tray had went home sick.  WTF?  Like he couldn’t finish making that one tray?  Asshole.

4.  Speaking of eating…  Like I said, this all started at work and apparently at some point in the day somebody accused me of being anorexic…like maybe that’s where all my problems stemmed from.  At first I was mad, but then I was happy, because if someone accuses you of being anorexic then you must be skinny!

3.  When I went to have my echocardiogram, a really hot medical student was my patient transport.  Some white nerdy kid brought me back, but then Future McDreamy came back again to take me to my MRI!

2.  While I was at my MRI a secret Santa dropped off a box of cookies from Cookies By Design!  They didn’t leave a note or anything, just dropped them off!  Two days later we finally found out it was a guy Shawn works with!  Best. Co-worker. Ever.

Are you ready for the #1 thing?  The other things weren’t actually in order, but this is definitely my number one favorite thing that happened!

1.  My boss came to see me the first afternoon I was in the hospital and I told her I was so mad at her for making me come to the ER and embarrassed about the whole thing…and that I was never coming back to work again!  Apparently, she then called work and told my co-worker Becky who told my (real) boss to which he said:

“You tell Tami, that if she doesn’t come back to work, I’m going to tell everyone here that she pooped her pants when she left!”

Ugh.  I couldn’t make that up if I wanted to.