Tuesday, January 4, 2011

My Top 10 Favorite Things That Happened During My Hospital Stay:

(a little long, but possibly worth it!)

10. When I started feeling weird at work, one of my co-workers took my vitals, and then proceeded to ask me if I was “losing a lot of fluids?”  I stared at her blankly and she said “You know, like blood or diarrhea?”  Um, no.  And P.S. What the Hell?

9.  When I saw the (first) neurologist in the ER, he told me I was going to have to spend the night, and I told him no way.  Then, he asked me if I wanted my husband to leave the room, so we could speak freely.  Apparently, my not wanting to stay at the hospital indicated that my husband was abusive.  Shawn found this hilarious, as did I, which did not bode well with the doctor.  Not that abuse is at all funny, but given the reason I was there, it was an awkward question.

8.  After I adamantly told the neurologist I wasn’t spending the night, he left and said we would talk about it later.  No more than a minute later, a nurse came in and gave me a Xanax.  It wasn’t until the next day, that I realized I was tricked.  He clearly had given me the Xanax so I would stop protesting.

7.  I got to ride an ambulance.  Not to the hospital initially, but from one hospital to another hospital.  They told me I wouldn’t be charged for the ambulance ride because the ride was due to the fact that there were no rooms at the first hospital.  Before they wheeled me out of the ambulance and into the second hospital, the EMT handed me a paper to sign, so they could “bill my insurance.”  What the?

6.  At the second hospital, the nurse admitted me into my room and did a ridiculously long assessment questionnaire.  When she got to “Occupation,” I said “Nurse.”  To which she said “WHAT?”  Again, I said “Nurse.”  And then she said, “Nobody told me that!”  So I said “Were they supposed to?”  And then, are you ready for this?  She said “Yes, I would have treated you differently.”  Then she looked at me like she couldn’t believe she just said that out loud.  Awk.Ward.

5.  At 3pm I told nurse OMG-I-can’t-believe-you’re-a-nurse that I hadn’t eaten since 5 am, and I was getting really hungry.  She told me she’d order me a tray, and then an hour later she came back and told me the person bringing me my tray had went home sick.  WTF?  Like he couldn’t finish making that one tray?  Asshole.

4.  Speaking of eating…  Like I said, this all started at work and apparently at some point in the day somebody accused me of being anorexic…like maybe that’s where all my problems stemmed from.  At first I was mad, but then I was happy, because if someone accuses you of being anorexic then you must be skinny!

3.  When I went to have my echocardiogram, a really hot medical student was my patient transport.  Some white nerdy kid brought me back, but then Future McDreamy came back again to take me to my MRI!

2.  While I was at my MRI a secret Santa dropped off a box of cookies from Cookies By Design!  They didn’t leave a note or anything, just dropped them off!  Two days later we finally found out it was a guy Shawn works with!  Best. Co-worker. Ever.

Are you ready for the #1 thing?  The other things weren’t actually in order, but this is definitely my number one favorite thing that happened!

1.  My boss came to see me the first afternoon I was in the hospital and I told her I was so mad at her for making me come to the ER and embarrassed about the whole thing…and that I was never coming back to work again!  Apparently, she then called work and told my co-worker Becky who told my (real) boss to which he said:

“You tell Tami, that if she doesn’t come back to work, I’m going to tell everyone here that she pooped her pants when she left!”

Ugh.  I couldn’t make that up if I wanted to.

30 comments:

Christy said...

I've been following your blog for awhile & haven't yet commented on anything:( This post & your last are total comment worthy.

I really did laugh out loud for this one!!

Ange said...

My mom never will tell them that she is a nurse, because honestly, you do get treated different.

So did you poop your pants???

Ashley said...

Tami, This post made me laugh out loud! Most of them do, but this one was just too much! :) I hope you are feeling better soon!!

Cherry Berry said...

So because you are a nurse, would she have treated you better or worse??? Mmmmm....

You didn't really poop your pants did you?!

Sparkling said...

You know I'm just dying to know what's going on. What was your "weird feeling" and what is the diagnosis??????

blueviolet said...

The way you wrote this was so funny, but there's a part of me that's worried about you in spite of your humor!

Mommy on the Spot said...

What blueviolet said . . .

Danielle said...

This one made me LOL so loud I then found myself rereading it to my husband...who LOLed too:) I truly hope you are feeling better and that this whole thing blows over...not blows out like poop in your pants or anything though.

Amanda M. said...

THe poop your pants thing is HIGH-LARIOUS. Unless it really happened, in which case it would SO not be funny.
And also, on a serious note, I really hope you're okay. Virtual hugs your way. And real prayers. :-)

Tyly said...

You are oh-so-funny, as always, but #6 is a little WFT? I don't know why it's shocking to me, but it shouldn't be that way!!

Cristy said...

Dude you had absolutely the most interesting hospital visit I could ever imagine. Are you all better now?

Hillary said...

Okay so did I ever tell you the whole appendix story including the pooping part? If not, call me tomorrow, you won't regret it.

As for being a nurse, when we took C in for her reflux the resident talk so down to me and wanted to make sure C wasn't crying because we weren't "meeting her basic needs". On her way out the resident looked at me and said, "why do you look so familiar" when I told her I was a PICU nurse she about died and asked me why I didn't tell her. Then I told her what who my husband was:).

Laura and Ryan said...

OMG, only YOU could make a hospital stay sound like so much fun! You had me laughing out loud- literally!
I hope you are feeling alright..and totally agree with you on the anorexic comment...still waiting for someone to accuse me!

You're Lucky I Don't Have a Gun... said...

ugh- that #6 "nurse" business makes me mad. i can totally imagine my ER visit nurse saying that and it just makes my blood boil.

at least you didn't get the rectal combo #4. i think i have you topped in the completely undignifying department.

hooray for me.

Jessica said...

Alright, you made me laugh and you sure did make a hospital stay sound a little fun, but I'm curious...more worried, I suppose, about what's going on.

I hope you're OK and feeling better!

Amy said...

Wait, wait! What the hell is going on?? I'm caught up on all your posts, but did I miss something?

So, what was wrong? Are you ok? OMG, Tami...I'm freaking out here!

P.S. that poop comment by your boss is just awesome!

MommyLovesStilettos said...

LMAO at the last one!! HAHAHAHA!!!

I hope you are ok!!

Jenny @ Practically Perfect... said...

OK - I have taken care of plenty of nurses and doctors in the ER, and I would NEVER say something like that to one of them! Unbelievable. And why on earth couldn't that nurse just get you a sandwich? Ridiculous. I'm glad that you're feeling better, though!

Melissa said...

So what was wrong with you?!? Are you okay?

And you pooped your pants? that's nice.

Snuggle Wasteland said...

The next time I'm in the hospital I'm telling them I'm a nurse. (Speech therapist is close enough, right?)

PS So does this mean you're going back to work?

Meghan said...

Girl, your hospital stay was out of control crazy - I swear, everytime I read your blog, I picture a sitcom in the making. I know that being sick isn't funny, but really - for all of that to happen - unreal!

I hope you are ok!!!

Christa said...

LOL you are so funny!!! I hope you are feeling better!! What was wrong?

Llama said...

So your treatment should be different in some sort of way because your a nurse? People really need to think before they speak. At least you got cookies after...im sure that made you smile. So sorry to hear that you are going through so much, but happy to hear that you are in good spirits. Thinking of you :)

Just Add Walter said...

#6 -- bahaha

Hope you are feeling better!

Semi-Slacker Mom said...

Okay, since I know you're okay, I have to tell you that was the funniest post EVER. You are super skinny & I would kill for someone to say I was anorexic.

Erin said...

um yeah---people like that? need to go somewhere special where they can be around other nasty people. cannot believe that witch said that when you told her you were a nurse!

d.a.r. said...

Waaaitttt, you are a NURSE?!?! :)

I love that you were drugged into compliance, haha. Sounds like you were being pretty fiesty, though. :)

MB said...

What a genius boss! Ha! I hope if I ever end up in the hospital for anything (already had 4 stays for childbirth), that I can find the humor in things like you did. :)

I'm glad you are doing better now! I don't know what I would do without your blog to read! lol

MrsDixon said...

What an awful threat! I will have to use that one more often!

The Random Blogette said...

Holy crap! Literally! I am glad that you are ok. And the anorexic comment, obviously that bitch was jealous!