Monday, January 10, 2011

Old man or pimp? You decide.

What makes a person “old?”  Is it just me, or is it that the older you get, the more this answer changes?  I’ve been plucking out gray hairs (in between colors) for at least 2 years, but last year I decided that didn’t make me “old.”  In fact, I told my hair stylist “You’re not old until your pubes are gray.”

Except, now my husband has gray ear hair, so where does that leave him?  That’s (literally) a gray area…it’s not head hair, but not pubes.  I didn’t have to ponder this for long though because something else led me to the determination that my husband is officially old.  No, he didn’t get his AARP card, but just listen.

Remember last summer when I got my UGG slippers?  These slippers have become my best friend, if I’m home, they’re with me. A few One time I even wore them to take my kids to school.  Don’t judge.

AnyMILF.  Because I love my slippers so much, I wanted my husband to feel that same love.  So, I got him a pair of slippers for Christmas.  They’re similar to this, but darker brown:

slippers

I chose those specific ones because I remember when I was growing up my Grandpa always had a pair of slippers like that.  I think Grandpa’s are probably a good judge of slippers.  After I bought the slippers, I then decided to buy him a pair of flannel pajama pants.  I was actually skeptical about this whole gift, because when I suggested buying Shawn slippers before, he scoffed at it.  Hater.

So, Christmas morning came, the slippers got opened, and Shawn was in love.  So much so, that he brought them to my parent’s house to wear on Christmas Day.  And then he brought them to Ohio with us.  And long story short, Shawn + slippers = True Love Always.

The story is not over though people.  I would never end a post with “True Love Always,” you know me better than that.

I wanted Shawn to like this gift, but I didn’t want him to like it so much that he became an old man creeper.  That’s right, with one gift (well, technically 2), I turned my husband into an old man.  (I just added the creeper part for good measure.)

One morning over a week ago, I was in our bedroom when Shawn came in and declared “Boy, with weather like this, it sure doesn’t feel like the end of December!”  And then I looked over and saw what he was wearing.

Had he been wearing the slippers and pajama bottoms, and been smoking a cigar, he could have looked like a pimp.  But, when you’re wearing pajama pants, slippers, a stained white t-shirt, and then you start talking about the weather?  All you look is old.

30 comments:

Tyly said...

Good thing he picked you up before he crossed to the dark {old} side! :-D

Llama said...

HAHAHA! I love this post! As long as your feel young...who can dare say your old?! In Shawn's mind, he's definitely pimpin' so age is just a number! :)

Snuggle Wasteland said...

If he only had gray pubes the rest of the world wouldn't know he's old. Now if putters around outside in those pj pants and slippers...the secret is out.

Mommy on the Spot said...

Bwhahahaha! That's hysterical!

Melissa said...

I am sure he is a lovely, cute old man!

Jess said...

I think you're officially old if one of two things happens: you have to put your teeth in every morning, or all your pubes have disappeared (yes, this happens with menopause).

Until then? Screw old. Old can go suck it.

Hillary said...

The same thing happened to us but with a bathrobe. The husband didn't want one, but I was positive he needed one, and sure enough I was right. Now on weekend mornings he wears flannel pants, slipper, probably a stained t-shirt, with his bathrobe tied around him...old.

Jessa said...

LOL Sometimes I feel old. Sometimes I don't. I have found slippers (which always seemed old to me) and I almost never take them off. I've worn them outside the house plenty of times too.

Amanda M. said...

I think you should get him a smoking jacket like Hef wears. And make him smoke a cigar and wear the smoking jacket with the pants and slippers and then he'll be total pimp and even be allowed to talk about weather.
Less like old guy and more like The Most Interesting Man in the World.

Just Add Walter said...

bahaha!!

oh, I must share this with you too -- my hair stylist lady said that you should NEVER EVER EVER pull out gray hairs -- eventually you will KILL your hair follicles and may end up with thinner hair or even bald places... EEK!

Sara said...

Hahahahaha! This post nearly made me spit coffee all over my computer! Thanks for the laugh - my birthday is tomorrow (and I feel super old), so I needed this!

purseblogger said...

LOL! Oh Tami, I've missed you. You're writing is amazing. :)

Amy said...

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

This is hilarious! Also? I must get those slippers!!!

Sparkling said...

Isn't it amazing how fast it happens????

Chrissi said...

LOL! My hubs received some UGG slippers from my parents and he is in LOVE as well. I'm just waiting for him to start talking about the weather...he has had a few extra grays pop up lately.

Christy said...

I think every post you write making me laugh!! Love reading what goes on in that brain of yours. Keep the funnies coming!

You're Lucky I Don't Have a Gun... said...

i love moccasin slippers. i even own a pair (which obviously makes my vote "pimp").

blueviolet said...

You have no one to blame for this but yourself!

Christa said...

Haha! Loved this post!

passionofthemom said...

LMAO!! This post speaks to me soooo much, because I got a pair of furry memory foam slippers for Christmas, and they rock my world!! xD From one oldie to another, here's a link to the post I just did about aging and music...I hope you enjoy! LOL

http://stoptheworld-iwantoff.blogspot.com/2011/01/enlightenment-or-memo-on-musical-aging.html

caraheck said...

bhahaha love it! im an avid slipper/house shoe wearer cant beat a good comfy pair thats for sure!!

Yankee Girl said...

Ohhhh!

I totally have a soft spot in my heart for Shawn now! Poor guy doesn't even realize what he is doing. He is lucky to have you to keep him in line!

Sazzle said...

Um...this is a fine line and unfortunately I think we have now crossed into oldsville...

Melissa said...

Actually with those slippers you've made him hip and in style. No joke, in metro Atlanta, the teenagers are wearing those same slippers EVERYWHERE... even to school. I bought my two older sons the same slippers for Christmas and they do not take them off! I pick them up at school and see half the population come out with those on their feet!
So, Shawn is young and hip, well, except for that whole stained white t-shirt deal...he's on his own there. (sorry, Shawn, I go only do so much)

Meghan said...

I think Shawn and my husband need to meet. Mike is the oldest 31 year old I know. He loves his slippers too!

Erin said...

I soooooo wanted some Uggs slipper shoes like those, but when I tried them on? My feet looked huge. I wear a size 9 as it is and I think with all the puffy warm insides they made my feet look like boats. Large boats.

But now you've given me bday present ideas for my hubs!
;-)

MrsDixon said...

OK....I am not mature enough to get the vision of gray pubes out of my face....do they really turn gray? I just had no idea....the horror.

P.S. NEVER EVA give a man slippers...because they will become permanent shoes and you can not rationalize with them!

mama's smitten said...

Ha! Your hilarious!!! My mom bought my husband some one year for xmas and I cringed cuz my dad wears those ! I almost intantly order him so hip ugg slipper...

Holly said...

LOL at the old man slippers! :P

I love your blog theme btw - really pretty colours! :)

Boobies said...

Slippers are heavenly! At risk of that making me sound old...my pubes aren't gray...so we're still good!

I've missed you!