If your in-laws had your kid’s for the weekend?
Chances are, you might head directly to the mall after dropping them off, and see this purse:
Then you might head to:
Along with two others, because it too, is your destiny. Not to mention they are all on sale, and you also have a merchandise credit. (By the way this photo does not even begin to do the shirt justice!)
From the mall you might head to “El Loco Burrito” to meet your husband for dinner. When you get there you might find that instead of ordering you one margarita, he has ordered an entire pitcher!
When you are finished with dinner you might tell your husband that there is no way you can drive home. He might take advantage of your drunkenness by suggesting you go to Best Buy. You opt for Sam’s Club, knowing that no matter where you go he’s going to look at something like this:
After peeling him away from such things as above, you might end up by these:
It’s entirely possible that you and your husband might then decide to try them all out. You might even be able to convince your husband to take a running jump and land on one, while an old lady watches. After he lands, you will probably think it’s a good idea to push him and the mattress back under the shelf where the mattresses roll out from. At this point you will also definitely cuss yourself out for not bringing your camera in.
Next, you will both decide you need to have a potty break because of the margaritas. Chances are you will take your blood pressure while waiting for your husband and when your BP is 90/47 you might wonder if you’re dying.
When you recover from your death scare your husband might finally be back from the bathroom only to tell you he saw an old man in the bathroom taking a shit and wiping his ass with the stall door completely open.
You probably won’t believe him, so you will sit on the bench outside of the bathroom, so your husband can make a positive ID.
When you finally decide to leave, you’ll be walking to your car when you see the old woman from the mattresses. You and your husband will be joking about something when your husband says, “Are you calling me a liar?” Just to shock the old lady you might respond with “Yes, I’m calling you a liar you M F-ing A-hole!” Your husband will want to call you a cheating whore and tell you he’s only staying with your for the kids…but he won’t think of this until he gets to the car, and by that time he’s too hysterical to speak.
What if then you went next door to
and while you were there your husband sat on a display toilet and pretended to drop a deuce “jackass” style?
When you’ve both had enough with the shenanigans you’ll probably finally decide to head home, but you might be hungry for ice cream first.
So, you’ll indulge in this:
That is the “coffee toffee twisted Frosty” from Wendy’s. If you’ve never had one, you should because they are magically delicious.
At home your husband will say he rented this:
because he knows you wanted to watch it.
But, instead you’ll probably write this post for your blog and he will fall asleep on the couch with his mouth hanging open. (Trust me, I wanted to take a picture!)