When you work out at the time of morning I do, one of the downfalls is the geriatric crowd. Don’t get me wrong, some of these people are actually there to exercise, but it appears a great majority are just there to wear swim dresses in the hot tub and drink free coffee.
So, there I was this morning on the shoulder press trying to mind my own beeswax, when I started picking up bits and pieces of a conversation going on next to me.
Picture this: Old bitty #1, probably in her mid 70’s doing a leg machine. I’ve seen her there before. She probably weighs 100 pounds soaking wet and she wears her street clothes to “work out,” which of course, I find bizarre. Oh, and her shoes are the best:
Ok, Bitty #2: I would guess early 60’s and she weighs no less than 275 pounds. She is not working out. At. All. She’s standing beside Bitty #1 having this conversation:
Bitty #2: “I found out I have osteoporosis, and I heard jump roping and doing jumping jacks can actually build your bone back up.”
(I’m sitting there saying to myself: Tami, do not laugh.)
Bitty #1: “Oh, I have a cousin who has osteoporosis…”
(blah blah blah, I stopped listening for a second, but my ears perked up again at jumping jacks)
Bitty #2: I was really excited to start doing jumping jacks! But, when I tried to do one, I couldn’t even get my feet off the ground!”
(Self: Don’t laugh. Do.Not.Laugh)
Bitty #1: “Oh.”
(Like what could she really say?)
Bitty #2: “Yeah, my feet would not even leave the ground. And do you want to know why? It’s because I don’t have any muscle. I have no muscle! None. Can you believe it?”
(Oh shit. I’m gonna laugh.)
Bitty #1: “Wow, really?”
(No, she’s lying to you! It’s physically impossible to have no muscle!)
Bitty #2: “Yup, no muscle. The day I found out I was so upset, so when my husband came home, I told him. I told him I can’t even get my feet off the ground! And do you know what he said?”
(Oh, this is going to be good. I can’t leave now. For the love of all that is Holy, please don’t laugh.)
Bitty #1: “No, what?”
Bitty #2: He said “The reason you can’t get your feet off the ground is because you’re too heavy!!”
(Bahahahahaha! Like, duh. Omg, I’m laughing. Get up and walk away. Pretend something on your iPod is funny. Crap, I don’t even have my iPod!)
Ok, I don’t normally condone husband’s telling their wives they’re fat, but I have to give this guy a break. This lady was clearly in denial, and I never did see her workout. Oh, wait. I did see her belly up to the coffee bar, and I think she walked down the stairs to get there, so that might count for something.
P.S. Today is day 14 of my Facebook fast, and I’m going strong! Not even one click over to Facebook. However, titling my blogs with Facebook status updates is starting to get on my nerves a little. I don’t know if it will last!