My Mom and I have gone shopping on Black Friday for the last 5 years or so, but we usually never leave the house until at least 8 am. Hey, I never said we were hardcore. So, there we were on Thanksgiving night (around 11 pm) when my Mom says “Let’s go right now.” Wha wha what? I had been awake since 8 that morning, and my Mom had been up since 6, and no one had taken a nap during the day. This sounded like a bad idea. And then my Mom said “Decide right now. Either we leave now, or I’m going to bed.” What the? I didn’t want to be the weakest link, so of course I said yes.
My Mom made a pot of coffee, I gathered up my coupons, my Dad told us not to go because he thought we had been drinking, and Shawn laughed at us. But, we were off:
Did we have a plan? No, but we had coffee and coupons, what more do you need? So, here is what I learned (in no particular order):
- Just because Toys R Us opens at 10pm, doesn’t mean you will be able to get in at 12:30 am when you get there. Everybody and their brother will also be at Toys R Us since it’s one of the only things open!
- People who wait outside of Target and Best Buy for days before Black Friday totally look homeless.
- Meijer will never look so good at 1 am when there is nowhere else to go.
- Just because Meijer starts putting their Black Friday signs out at 2 am doesn’t mean they will give you that price. Apparently their sale started at 5 am, however there was nothing on their Black Friday signs in the store stating “5 am.” Meijer, I’m totally calling SHENANIGANS on that one!
- Bring warm clothes, because even though you may not plan on standing in a line outside the store, you may do it anyway for the love of being one of the first people in Kohl’s on Black Friday.
- Drinking coffee + standing outside in very cold air = the need to pee a lot.
- All 250 people who race into Kohl’s at 3 am will be ready to check out at the Exact. Same. Time.
- Kohl’s is very good at product placement. When I got in line I had no gifts for Shawn, but when I finally got to the cash register two hours later I had 4! Fry Daddy’s and Quesadilla makers never looked so good!
- Sometimes it doesn’t matter that the mall is open at 5 am. When the delirium sets in, it’s best to stop buying.
- Don’t bother ordering a big breakfast when you finally make it to Bob Evans. You will be too tired to eat it, and you won’t even have the energy to complain about wasting $17 on burned toast, fatty bacon, and cold potatoes.
- Don’t go to Kmart after breakfast just because it’s across the street and because sitting at breakfast has given you a small amount of energy. Kmart is almost always a bad idea, and Kmart in the ghetto is a very bad idea!
- After being up for over 24 hours straight, seeing someone fall in the Kmart parking lot will seem like the funniest thing in the whole wide world.
- If and when you make it home, do not look in the mirror. I promise you, you have never looked uglier. Or maybe that was just me?
So, there you have it. I came, I saw, I busted doors. And two days later, I’m still recovering.