Weekend Update and Stuff.

I’ve never considered my blog to be a “Mommy Blog,” but I am a Mom and this blog does serve as somewhat of a scrapbook for me, so you’re going to have to suffer through some more pictures!

Let’s start with pumpkin carving:

Is it just me, or does Lainey’s pumpkin have scoliosis?

Alivia thoroughly enjoyed the pumpkin guts:

The finished product:

I helped Alivia with hers, it’s supposed to be 2 ghosts with a bat at the top.  Shawn helped Lainey, hers is cat.  Don’t act like you’re not impressed by our pumpkin carving skills!

On Friday both girls had their Halloween parties at school.  They were lots of fun, but I’m going to state right now that I will never ever (in a million years) volunteer to be room Mom.  I’m just not cut out for crafts, or activities…with kids.  What’s that?  I’m a Girl Scout leader?  Oh yeah, I forgot about that.

Here is Alivia’s class:

Lainey at her party:

On Saturday we went to my sister’s house to go Trick-or-Treating, and we also celebrated Alivia’s birthday (a week early).  Let’s start with the birthday!

My parents got her a pillow pet, which she had been asking for for months!

They also got her Just Dance 2 for Wii:

We were all excited about Just Dance!  I’ve already danced to “Tik Tok” by Kesha twice today.  Don’t judge.

My brother and sister-in-law got her some parts for her Zhu Zhu pet town, this picture cracks me up because of Lainey’s face:

My sister and her family got Alivia some clothes and an American Girl craft set:

Alivia and Lainey are already fighting about the craft set.  I’m pretty sure that was all a part of my sister’s master plan.  Thanks a lot Biatch.

We had pizza, veggies, and apple salad for supper and an ice cream sundae bar for desert:

I know, I know, the Styrofoam bowls are totally classy.

The two birthday girls:

Happy Birthday (yes, a week early)!

Ok, last but not least, Trick-or-Treating:

We tried and tried to get a picture of all the kids, but the dog kept crawling away and Spiderman was crying:

(I like this picture because it looks like my two nephews (Monkey & Dalmatian) are looking at each other like WTF?

The 4 girls finally decided to just take some pictures by themselves.  My sister told them to give a scary Halloween pose, which resulted in this:

and this:

My brother-in-law’s Mom was also in town, here are all the grandkids with my parents and Grandma Carole:

(Ethan, the monkey, is in the car because it’s the only way he would pose without crying!)

Here’s a close-up of him:

Could he be any cuter?

Now, here are a few random observations and comments I have about Halloween.  First, taking your kids trick-or-treating does not give you a free pass to dress like a slut and call it a costume.  Second, if you are a male over the age of 10, please don’t wear a clown costume.  Yes, I’m talking to you, 40 year old man wearing a wig and a red nose with your hand in your pocket.  You are a creeper, and you know it.  Lastly, next year I will not give candy to any child (or teenager) who insinuates that I’m old so I wouldn’t understand your costume.  Of course I know who Joe Dirt is!  You’re the one who’s 10 years old, you shouldn’t know who Joe Dirt is!

FGF brought to you by Lainey!

As parents we all wonder and worry that we are raising our children the right way.  We do the best we can, and hope that they grow up to become caring responsible human beings.  Sometimes, if we’re lucky, we catch our children in a moment of selfless kindness, and we realize that they truly are listening!  Monday was one of those days for Lainey.

On Monday afternoon the girls go to dance class.  This week they were allowed to wear their Halloween costumes, which they were quite excited about.  I for one, was against them wearing them because I swear Halloween costumes are so cheaply made that they self destruct after one use.  Seriously.  However, I gave in (like there was ever any doubt) and said they could wear them if they were very very careful.

So there they were on Monday with their witch costumes on waiting for dance to start when Lainey’s BFF came in, who is also in the same class.  I took one look at Emma and her Mom and knew that they had forgot her costume.  Emma clung to her Mom’s leg, asking her to “PLEASE” go get her costume.  Of course, there wasn’t enough time, dance was about to start.

So, I whispered to Lainey “Emma, forgot her costume.  Do you think you would like to take your costume off, so Emma isn’t sad?”  Lainey looked at me with pursed lips and shook her head NO.  I wasn’t going to beg, after all, they had been looking forward to wearing their costumes all week.

But, within 30 seconds Lainey had changed her mind.  She took her costume off (her leotard was underneath) and then went over to Emma and said “It’s ok, we’re still dressed up for Halloween…we’re ballerinas!”

I was so proud of her.  It was one of those moments where your heart is truly smiling.

(At their party this morning, Emma was laughing because her Mom told her she was smiling like an old man!)

Unsolved mysteries of my closet!

I know you’re all dying to know what I found in my closet, right?  Ok, whatever.  Just pretend to be amused!

I honestly don’t even remember when the last time I truly cleaned out my closet was, so there was some weird shit in there!  Starting with this:

I bought this for one of those “Murder-Mystery” parties a few years ago, but then my friend cancelled the party.  Loser.  I was supposed to be a hooker, so yeah, I can’t really show you the rest of the outfit!  I think she only chose me for the hooker because I had the biggest rack!  Anyway, after I found the wig last night I thought about wearing it for Halloween, but then I decided it made me look like a transvestite.

I also found these:

They are brand spanking new!  They were even wrapped up in tissue in the box!  I hate to admit this, but I have no idea where they came from!  Do these belong to anyone?  If not, I’m keeping them!

Senior pictures anyone?

Why didn’t I wax my eyebrows?  Yeah, that’s totally regrettable.

Let’s see, what else?  Well, there were a few things I didn’t take pictures of.  For instance, 2 maternity dresses.  That’s weird, I haven’t been pregnant in 5 years!  I also found 2 Christmas dresses I bought for the girls last year, but they didn’t fit.  However, when they tried them on last night, they fit!  How awesome is that?  Oh, and I found something that I bought for Alivia’s Kindergarten graduation, but I never gave it to her.  Sadly, I think I never gave it to her because I lost it.  Bad Mommy!  Anywho, I’m going to give it to her for her birthday in a few weeks.  It’s seriously perfect because next month is her “Golden Birthday” and she keeps going on and on about how it’s her “Golden Birthday!” and this item is white Gold! 

Alright the last item I took a picture of is this:

What is that you ask?  Well, it’s a bag of coins and a couple game tokens.  That piece of paper was folded up inside there with the coins and on it it says “January 7, 2001.”  What does that mean?  I have no freaking clue!  Seriously.  Obviously, something important happened and I wanted to remember it, but now I don’t!  How stupid.  This is very bothersome.  Does anyone else know what happened that day? 

Weekend Update.

Meet my closet:

Oh, Hello floor!

Left side:

Right side:

The End.

It’s still not perfect, but it’s an improvement!!  I admit, towards the end I did shove a few things back under the bottom row of clothes because I just couldn’t deal with it anymore.  For instance, a bag of penis straws and whistles.  Next time I go to a Bachelorette party, will someone remind me that I have those?  Thanks.

Stay tuned tomorrow for a few interesting things I found while cleaning out the black hole.  And, no, I’m not talking about the penis straws.

P.S.  If you are new to my blog, or you think this post is total lame-sauce, click HERE!

Somewhat Wordless Wednesday.

A couple weeks ago my boss mentioned buying a stuffed animal for her first grandchild who is due to arrive in December.  My immediate reaction was “No, no, no!!  For the love of God, no stuffed animals!!”  Of course she asked why?  Well people, does this picture speak for itself?  Sadly, I’m pretty sure all of them aren’t even pictured here.  Sigh.

Ask and you shall receive!

I never thought when I posted the factoid about my lack of uvula, that you people would be so intrigued by it!  Who knew?  I have to wonder what thoughts are swirling around in your heads about the reasoning behind my not having a uvula.  Was I born without one?  Did I have it surgically removed?  Did it fall off?  Luckily, it didn’t fall off, because that would just be weird.

Before I go any further, someone requested a picture.  I honestly didn’t want to take a picture because frankly, it’s just plain gross.  But, I did want to prove to you that I wasn’t lying, so here we go:

(Kindly ignore my super old fillings…what can I say, I ate a lot of candy as a child!)

My throat is a little blurry, but I think you get the picture.  No tonsils, no uvula, no nothing!  See, I wasn’t lying!

Now, where did it go?  I wish I had a better story, but the truth is…when I had my tonsils out in 1st grade, the surgeon accidentally took the uvula too.  Oddly enough, when I worked in the hospital a few years ago, I worked with an LPN who used to be his surgical tech.  When I told her about my uvula, she said “Oh yeah, that happened quite a bit when he was first starting out.”  Good to know.

Undoubtedly, someone will ask me if my parents sued the doctor, and the answer is no.  I really don’t even think they thought about it.  He was upfront and told them what happened and my Mom says the only thing she really remembers about the conversation was him saying “Well, the good news is, she’ll never snore!” 

Did I answer everything?  Oh wait, one more thing…the uvula is not to be confused with the vulva.  I guess it sort of looks and sounds like the same word, but trust me!  It’s not!

So, am I the only person you know without a uvula?

Monday Minute

Whoa.  Long time no blog!  Sorry about that!  I’ve been sick for almost a week, so I do have a legitimate excuse.  Pinky swear!  I haven’t done Monday Minute in a few weeks, and Christina is all whiny (just jokers, you know I love you girl!) because the link-ups are dropping, so I figured I better join in this week!

1.  Did you play any sports growing up?

Yes, yes I did!  In junior high I ran cross country and track.  In high school I was on the dance team my freshman year, and for the rest of the years I was a cheerleader.  Yes, I realize some of you may not consider cheerleading a sport, but whatever. 

I know I’ve posted this picture before, but I have some new readers, so I thought I’d share it again!

2.  Did you ever get an MIP?

Nope, never!  I’m not saying I never drank as a minor, I just never got caught!

3.  Do you snore or sleepwalk?

Again, nope!  Never!  I don’t have a uvula, which makes it nearly impossible to snore.  For those of you non-medical people, who are all like “what the heck is a uvula?”:

As far as I know, I don’t sleep walk either.  Don’t worry though, Shawn totally makes up for what I lack in the snoring and sleepwalking department!  Anyone for a little ESPN and Trix at 2 am?

4.  Describe your last dream?

The last dream that I remember was a few weeks ago where a girl I work with was telling my boss that I was mean to her, and she wanted my boss to fire me.  In the dream my boss laughed in her face and told her no way…which is probably what would happen in reality.  Side note, I do not like this girl, but I have yet to be mean to her.  However, I did tell my boss last week that I was about 2 seconds away from punching this girl in the vagina!

5.  What’s one thing that you’ve been meaning to do that you just haven’t gotten to?

That’s easy, clean out my closet!!  I did start, but then I got bored with it.  Any volunteers to help a sister out?

Weekend Update

We had a somewhat busy, but fun, weekend!  On Saturday I took the girls for a haircut in the morning, and as you will see in the pictures, Alivia is working on growing her bangs out again.  The jury is still out…my Mom thinks it’s cute, but I am not a fan of it!  Unfortunately, I think she might be old enough to decide how she wants her hair, so I’m going to give it a chance.

Saturday afternoon I went on a 15 mile bike ride, all by myself!  Pure Bliss!  Well, except I haven’t been riding lately, just spinning, so my ass is a little sore today!  Here are a couple pictures I took with my camera phone on the ride:

You can’t tell from this picture, but in some areas the leaves were totally covering the bike trail:

Quick story…  After my ride I stopped into Rite Aid for something.  When I first pulled in, I sat in my car for a few minutes because I was eating an apple.  I noticed there were some Boy Scouts at the front entrance to the store pimping their popcorn, but by the time I went into the store they were packing up.  However, one of the little boys says to me “Hey, we were selling popcorn.”  “Oh yeah?” I say, “Did you sell a lot?”  “Yes, we did!  But, we still have more left!” he tells me while looking at his Dad.  The Dad then looks me up and down and totally snubs me!  Apparently, they don’t sell to chicks wearing spandex bike shorts and a bandana on their head!

Would you believe I went back to the same store today wearing regular clothes and with my hair done, and the Dad totally tried to sell me some?!  I wanted to go all Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman on his ass, but I didn’t.

Anyloser.  Today we took the girls to Klackle Farms, and it was a great time had by all!  I have to admit though, it was a little too hot for my liking.  Did I actually just type that?  Enjoy the pictures!

The girls posing with the pumpkins near the entrance:

Who wants to ride a camel?

(When I posted this picture on Facebook, one of my friends pointed out that the guy in the black looks like he’s checking out my butt!  Creeper!)

Can you see the look on my face in this one?

Are we having fun yet?

Alivia on the hayride to pick apples:

Picking apples…

Look at all those pumpkins!

Running thru the corn maze:

Face painting…

Michigan!

Michigan State?

The girls always love the petting zoo:

Before we left the girls picked out their pumpkins, and we took one last picture:

A contradiction of sorts …

I realize participating in Fawk You Friday is totally contradicting the Feel Good Friday I did earlier, but whatever.  Deal with it.  It looks like a lot of fun, and I’ve had a Fawk You kind of day.  I am going to stick with the “Fawk” instead of dropping the actual F-bomb though.  Ok, here we go…

 

• Fawk the Moms who park and stand at the end of my subdivision every single day while you wait for the bus!  How can you not see that I can’t get out when you’re blocking the whole driveway?!  If I run over one of your kids, it’s not going to be my fault.

 

• Fawk the lady sitting behind me in church today whose baby decided to start screaming at the exact moment when Alivia got up to do her reading during mass!  I had to get up early, take a shower, and miss my workout so I could listen to my daughter read for 30 seconds and you ruined it! 

 

• Fawk the cashier at Walgreens who goes over my coupons with a fine tooth comb!  It’s not like that money is coming out of your wallet, so just scan the damn coupons and we can all get on with our day!

 

• Fawk my husband’s boss for letting him leave work over an hour early today.  And, Fawk my husband for actually leaving and going home!  Why didn’t you come and rescue me from Halloween costume shopping hell?

 

• Fawk the frozen chicken breasts I bought at Sam’s Club.  When I set you on top of my bottle of wine I expected you to stay there and chill it, so I could start drinking it immediately upon pulling in my driveway!

 

• Fawk my butt for being too big so that my favorite Joe’s Jeans don’t fit anymore.

and finally…

• A big fat Fawk You to the nurse at my OB/GYN’s office for calling me out on missing my appointment last year!  If I remember correctly I did come in for an appointment, but then at the last minute someone else’s vagina became more important than mine!

 

Ok, that is all.  I feel better now!  Have a good weekend!!