Sunday, January 30, 2011

Pictures of boobs.

Last Fall an acquaintance of mine emailed me saying that she had a few questions about breast implants.  I told her who my doctor was, and gave her as much information as I could, and that was about it.  Then last week she emailed me again with more questions, and said she was quite sure she was going to have the surgery.  I answered her questions again, and then asked her if she and her husband would like to see my before & after pictures.  She said she would.

With my first surgery Shawn took “before” pictures and then took “after” pictures for the first couple weeks.  But, when I went to send the pictures to my friend, I found that I really didn’t have any pictures of the finished product.  So, I asked Shawn to take some.  He took a few, but then became annoyed when I asked him to take some with a bathing suit top on and with a bra on.  He also might have been annoyed when I voiced concerns over his photography skills.  What.Ever.

When the photo shoot was finally over, he was walking out of the room and I  said “Thank you so much for taking the pictures.  I must say though that I think you’re the only man in the world who would complain about taking pictures of his wife’s boobs.”  And then this happened:

Shawn:  “Well, it’s not like the pictures were for me or anything!  Nobody ever sends me pictures of boobs!”

Me:  “Awk.Ward.”

Shawn:  “Um, well…I meant you never send me pictures of boobs.”

Me:  “Yeah, and I probably won’t.  But it’s good to know nobody else is sending you pictures either!”


P.S.  Did anyone read this post because you thought there was going to be actual pictures of boobs?

Friday, January 28, 2011

Feel Good Friday brought to you by ME!

Last week Erika asked me to host Feel Good Friday for her today, and of course I had to say yes!  I'm a little disappointed in myself for not letting you know ahead of time, but hopefully some of you will still link up.  If you're not familiar with FGF, click here to get the low down, then write your post and link of bitches!

Today my "feel good" is about something that someone else did for me a few weeks ago.

Periodically if I write a blog post which I think is amazeballs, I will link to it on my Facebook page.  I don't do that a lot because I honestly try to keep the number of family and friends who read my blog to a minimum.  As far as I know my own Mom still can't find my (as she calls it) "blah-g."  This is a good thing, because I'm not sure she would find humor in some of the things I've written.  For example, the time I posted about her getting a fart trapped in her pantyhose.

Anyfart.  My point is I have gained a few readers by posting on Facebook, and two of those people are Eric and Sarah.  Eric is a guy I graduated from high school with, who incidentally used to make fun of my friends and I.  Sarah is Eric's neighbor who friended me on Facebook after she saw me commenting on Eric's status.  Even though Sarah and Eric live in the same town as me, they are what my husband would call my "imaginary (internet) friends."  Until now.

When I posted on here about being in hospital, Sarah and Eric both immediately emailed me on Facebook to check on me.  Sarah even asked if there was anything she could do to help me.  That alone made me feel good.  But, then a week later Sarah emailed me saying she and Eric had bought me something, sort of a Get Well present.  She said she would drop it off later in the week.  That week on Thursday, I was having another bad day and ended up staying home from work.  When I finally stumbled out of bed that afternoon I found a surprise waiting for me on my porch.

What was it?  3 boxes of Keurig coffee!  My imaginary friends brought me 3 boxes of Keurig coffee!  If that doesn't make you feel good, I don't know what does!  So, thank you Eric and Sarah for the coffee and for being faithful readers (even if you never comment).          

Sunday, January 23, 2011

While you were out.

It’s been almost 2 weeks since my last post, yikes!  Since people are starting to email me to make sure I’m alive, I figured I better drop by and say Hi!  I’m not intentionally taking a break from blogging, but since I’m still not feeling well, I really don’t have a lot to say.  I know, can you believe that?

But, to amuse you (and myself), here are some randoms from the last 2 weeks:

  • Last Saturday Alivia made her First Reconciliation.  After she did her confession she told my Mom “Grandma, I feel like a million bucks!”


(Alivia with her teacher.  The kids from her class study the sacraments during religion at school and then make the sacraments together with the rest of the kids from church.)

  • While the kids went to confession, the parents were encouraged to go as well.  So, I went.  At the beginning of your confession you’re supposed to tell the priest how long it’s been since your last confession.  So, I’m all “Forgive me Father for I have sinned, it’s been 100 years since my last confession.”  And the priest is all “What did you say!?”  So, I repeated “100 years.”  And then he got mad and asked me “WHY?!”  Ok, so I didn’t actually say “100 years,” but I may as well have because that’s how mad he was.  Does anyone else see the irony in the fact that I was judged at confession?
  • When I told Shawn about the above scenario, he said “Well, that was dumb.  Why did you tell him that?  If it’s been a couple years, you’re just supposed to say it’s been over a year.”  Well, shit.  Nobody told me that.  Lesson learned.
  • A couple weeks ago I became an official “lunch Mom” at the girls school.  I do lunch 2 days a week and I make $8/day, so I’m thinking I might as well quit my nursing job.
  • Alivia started selling Girl Scout Cookies on Saturday.  Shawn took her around the neighborhood and a couple people turned her down flat stating “We’re on a diet.”  Haters.  Shawn thinks the Girl Scouts are stupid for having their cookie sale right after New Years when everyone is on their annual one month diet.  I’d have to agree, but I’m thinking we should hit these people again at the end of the cookie sale just in case they’ve fallen off the wagon.
  • On Friday night Alivia and I went to a Girl Scout Pajamboree:


(Lainey didn’t actually go, but she wanted to be in the picture.)

  • At the Pajamboree I served punch for 2 hours.  It was awesome.  At one point a lady came up to me and asked for a “refill.”  When she handed me her cup, I saw that she had a piece of chewed gum stuck to the top of it!  Kill me now.  When I handed the cup back to her I noticed she was missing at least half her teeth, so I’m not even sure why she had that gum in the first place!
  • That is all.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Old man or pimp? You decide.

What makes a person “old?”  Is it just me, or is it that the older you get, the more this answer changes?  I’ve been plucking out gray hairs (in between colors) for at least 2 years, but last year I decided that didn’t make me “old.”  In fact, I told my hair stylist “You’re not old until your pubes are gray.”

Except, now my husband has gray ear hair, so where does that leave him?  That’s (literally) a gray area…it’s not head hair, but not pubes.  I didn’t have to ponder this for long though because something else led me to the determination that my husband is officially old.  No, he didn’t get his AARP card, but just listen.

Remember last summer when I got my UGG slippers?  These slippers have become my best friend, if I’m home, they’re with me. A few One time I even wore them to take my kids to school.  Don’t judge.

AnyMILF.  Because I love my slippers so much, I wanted my husband to feel that same love.  So, I got him a pair of slippers for Christmas.  They’re similar to this, but darker brown:


I chose those specific ones because I remember when I was growing up my Grandpa always had a pair of slippers like that.  I think Grandpa’s are probably a good judge of slippers.  After I bought the slippers, I then decided to buy him a pair of flannel pajama pants.  I was actually skeptical about this whole gift, because when I suggested buying Shawn slippers before, he scoffed at it.  Hater.

So, Christmas morning came, the slippers got opened, and Shawn was in love.  So much so, that he brought them to my parent’s house to wear on Christmas Day.  And then he brought them to Ohio with us.  And long story short, Shawn + slippers = True Love Always.

The story is not over though people.  I would never end a post with “True Love Always,” you know me better than that.

I wanted Shawn to like this gift, but I didn’t want him to like it so much that he became an old man creeper.  That’s right, with one gift (well, technically 2), I turned my husband into an old man.  (I just added the creeper part for good measure.)

One morning over a week ago, I was in our bedroom when Shawn came in and declared “Boy, with weather like this, it sure doesn’t feel like the end of December!”  And then I looked over and saw what he was wearing.

Had he been wearing the slippers and pajama bottoms, and been smoking a cigar, he could have looked like a pimp.  But, when you’re wearing pajama pants, slippers, a stained white t-shirt, and then you start talking about the weather?  All you look is old.

Friday, January 7, 2011

Feel Good Friday brought to you by YOU!


It wasn’t difficult for me to find something to write about for Feel Good Friday today.    The thing that made me feel good every single day this week was YOU…your comments, your emails, your Facebook messages.  I love writing a post that makes you laugh, but what I love even more is when your comments make me laugh!  You all are so funny and caring!  Take a look:

From Monday’s post (My 2010 review):

You’re Lucky I Don’t Have a Gun said “I met my first blog friend this year, and my ex was worried I was going to get turned into a skin suit.  And by worried, I mean I’m sure he was hoping for it.”

Blueviolet said “On the injury…didn’t you fall off your bike in your own living room?”

(Um, yes I did, and thanks for the reminder!)

Sara said “I’m very sorry to hear you were in the hospital.  That sucks big time.  BUT this will make you laugh.  Maybe.  When I read your post and you said it (being in the hospital) was “lamesauce,” I thought that was the name of a disease.  Yes, I’m serious!”

Tyly said “You made that duathlon your bitch!”


From Tuesday’s post (My Top 10 List):

Danielle said “This one made me LOL so loud I then found myself rereading it to my husband...who LOLed too:) I truly hope you are feeling better and that this whole thing blows over...not blows out like poop in your pants or anything though.”

Melissa said “So what was wrong with you?! Are you okay?  And you pooped your pants? That's nice.”

Snuggle Wasteland said “The next time I'm in the hospital I'm telling them I'm a nurse. (Speech therapist is close enough, right?)”

(I told her she should really go all out, and say she’s a doctor!)


Wednesday’s post (The Poop Reveal):

Semi-Slacker Mom said “I'm so glad you didn't poop your pants. I didn't say I wouldn't laugh if you did, I'm just glad you didn't...”

Sazzle said “I was kinda hoping you had actually pooped your pants.”

MrsDixon said “I hope you are feeling better soon and won't have to struggle with this too often. On a lighter note, Xanax is the bomb and so is your blanky!”


I’m sorry I couldn’t give a shout out to everybody, but I seriously do appreciate every single comment you leave!  I may have told you this before, but my husband refers to my blog friends as my “imaginary friends”… imaginary or not, I felt completely loved by all of you this week!  Happy Feel Good Friday imaginary friends!

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

I pooped my pants: True or False.

I could have told you all yesterday what was wrong with me, but really what is the fun in that?  Yesterday’s post was a lot more fun than this one, trust me!

Wait a minute.  Before I go any further, I have to tell you one thing.  I didn’t poop my pants!!

First, here’s what happened at work…  I went to work and felt relatively ok.  I got a patient ready for surgery, and then I was recovering another patient when I started feeling strange.  The entire left side of my face was numb, I was dizzy, and I had a bad headache.  When I started going over the patient’s discharge instructions, I couldn’t do it.  I know these instructions by  heart because they’re the same for every patient, and I’ve been doing it for 6 years.  But, like I said, I couldn’t do it.  I could read the paper, and I wasn’t confused, but I couldn’t say the words.

I went and found my boss, and that’s when nurse are-you-losing-a-lot-of-fluids also assessed me.  After her assessment, said nurse diagnosed me with Bell’s Palsy.  To which my boss said, “I know Bell’s Palsy, and she doesn’t have Bell’s Palsy!”

So, I sat down in a chair for awhile, drank some water, ate some crackers…and felt worse.  I finally agreed to have someone call Shawn to pick me up, but I protested going to the ER the whole time.  At some point one of the anesthesiologists came out and talked to me and then called the ER to tell them I was coming.  (Did I miss something?  I thought I said I wasn’t going?)

Longish story short, Shawn finally showed up, he took me to the hospital where there was a flurry of activity because they wanted to make sure I wasn’t having a stroke.  I had a CT scan, talked to an annoying neurologist, took a Xanax, and was then transferred to another hospital. 

The second hospital looked something like this:  admitted to super awesome private room with a flat screen TV and a huge bathroom, went for an echocardiogram, ate crappy dinner quickly because nurse OMG-I-Can’t-Believe-You’re-A-Nurse was pushing Ativan as fast as she could in my IV so I could go for the MRI/MRA, came back from MRI to find someone had left me delicious cookies, my fabulous husband and kids brought me Qdoba to eat, I attempted to sleep but was awakened all night for God knows what, woke up and took a shower, argued with a new neurologist about what my Lyrica dosage was, and then went home.

Phew!  Does that answer all your questions?  Good.

Oh wait.  What was wrong with me? 

Again, long story short, the headache and speech thing-a-ma-jig were diagnosed as a Complex Migraine.  The numbness on the side of my face (which is STILL there!) is thought to be from my Postherpetic Neuralgia (PHN) from having shingles.  In addition to the numbness I’m also having the stabbing pain normally associated with PHN, so that’s why they think it’s all related.  The sad thing is, there is no cure for PHN, and it will probably come and go my whole life.  Luckily the symptoms can be treated with medications, which I’m taking…for now.

And just to prove this whole story is true:


(Me looking stoned, but totally poop free!)

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

My Top 10 Favorite Things That Happened During My Hospital Stay:

(a little long, but possibly worth it!)

10. When I started feeling weird at work, one of my co-workers took my vitals, and then proceeded to ask me if I was “losing a lot of fluids?”  I stared at her blankly and she said “You know, like blood or diarrhea?”  Um, no.  And P.S. What the Hell?

9.  When I saw the (first) neurologist in the ER, he told me I was going to have to spend the night, and I told him no way.  Then, he asked me if I wanted my husband to leave the room, so we could speak freely.  Apparently, my not wanting to stay at the hospital indicated that my husband was abusive.  Shawn found this hilarious, as did I, which did not bode well with the doctor.  Not that abuse is at all funny, but given the reason I was there, it was an awkward question.

8.  After I adamantly told the neurologist I wasn’t spending the night, he left and said we would talk about it later.  No more than a minute later, a nurse came in and gave me a Xanax.  It wasn’t until the next day, that I realized I was tricked.  He clearly had given me the Xanax so I would stop protesting.

7.  I got to ride an ambulance.  Not to the hospital initially, but from one hospital to another hospital.  They told me I wouldn’t be charged for the ambulance ride because the ride was due to the fact that there were no rooms at the first hospital.  Before they wheeled me out of the ambulance and into the second hospital, the EMT handed me a paper to sign, so they could “bill my insurance.”  What the?

6.  At the second hospital, the nurse admitted me into my room and did a ridiculously long assessment questionnaire.  When she got to “Occupation,” I said “Nurse.”  To which she said “WHAT?”  Again, I said “Nurse.”  And then she said, “Nobody told me that!”  So I said “Were they supposed to?”  And then, are you ready for this?  She said “Yes, I would have treated you differently.”  Then she looked at me like she couldn’t believe she just said that out loud.  Awk.Ward.

5.  At 3pm I told nurse OMG-I-can’t-believe-you’re-a-nurse that I hadn’t eaten since 5 am, and I was getting really hungry.  She told me she’d order me a tray, and then an hour later she came back and told me the person bringing me my tray had went home sick.  WTF?  Like he couldn’t finish making that one tray?  Asshole.

4.  Speaking of eating…  Like I said, this all started at work and apparently at some point in the day somebody accused me of being anorexic…like maybe that’s where all my problems stemmed from.  At first I was mad, but then I was happy, because if someone accuses you of being anorexic then you must be skinny!

3.  When I went to have my echocardiogram, a really hot medical student was my patient transport.  Some white nerdy kid brought me back, but then Future McDreamy came back again to take me to my MRI!

2.  While I was at my MRI a secret Santa dropped off a box of cookies from Cookies By Design!  They didn’t leave a note or anything, just dropped them off!  Two days later we finally found out it was a guy Shawn works with!  Best. Co-worker. Ever.

Are you ready for the #1 thing?  The other things weren’t actually in order, but this is definitely my number one favorite thing that happened!

1.  My boss came to see me the first afternoon I was in the hospital and I told her I was so mad at her for making me come to the ER and embarrassed about the whole thing…and that I was never coming back to work again!  Apparently, she then called work and told my co-worker Becky who told my (real) boss to which he said:

“You tell Tami, that if she doesn’t come back to work, I’m going to tell everyone here that she pooped her pants when she left!”

Ugh.  I couldn’t make that up if I wanted to.

Monday, January 3, 2011

I’m every woman.

I’ve seen several bloggers doing re-caps of the last year, and I thought about doing that, but instead I’m going to do the year end wrap up questionnaire I did last year.  I got this survey from Jen last year, so feel free to copy and paste and play along!

1.  What did you do in 2010 that you had never done before?

Two things that immediately come to mind are that I did a Duathlon and I visited NYC with my mom!


2.  Did you keep your New Year’s Resolution, and will you make more next year?

Last year when I answered this question, I didn’t say what my resolution was, but I will now. It was actually more of a goal, than a resolution.  My goal was to make a decision (and be at peace with that decision) on whether or not to have a third child.  And, I’m sad to say that hasn’t happened.  A week ago I probably would have told you we had reached a decision, but recent circumstances have changed that.

3.  Did anyone close to you give birth?

Yes, in November my cousin Hillary and her husband adopted sweet baby Colbie!!


4.  Did anyone close to you die?

I don’t think so, not that I can remember.

5.  What countries did you visit?

Boohoo!  Still none, the same as last year.  I really need to get a passport, maybe that will inspire me!

6.  What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?

Wow, I really can’t think of anything.  That’s good though, right?

7.  What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

The only day I can think of is St. Patrick’s Day, the day my Dad was in a car accident.

8.  What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Hands down, training for and finishing the Duathlon!  All I wanted was to finish, so getting 1st place in my age group and 4th overall, was just a bonus!!

9.  What was your biggest failure?

Twice in the last year I started to train for a half marathon, but never finished training or ran the race.  This is something I really want to do, so I count this as a gigantic failure!

10.  Did you suffer illness or injury?

Pfft.  Up until last week, I could have answered this “no.”  Longish story short…last week I was in the hospital.  It was lamesauce.  I’m still not 100%, and it sounds like I never will be.  I’ve been hosting a pity party for the last week, wanna come?

11.  What was the best thing you bought?

Hello!  Keurig, need I say more?

12.  Whose behavior merited celebration?

Or course, Alivia and Lainey’s!  They never cease to amaze me at what smart, caring, and beautiful little girls they are growing up to be!  My husband’s behavior has also merited celebration.  I couldn’t ask for a better husband or father for my daughters, we are truly blessed!


13.  Whose behavior made you appalled or depressed?

I plead the fifth on this one!

14.  Where did most of your money go this year?

Other than my kids and bills…I’d have to say a lot money was spent on traveling, and having fun as a family!

15.  What did you get really, really, really excited about?

I’m always excited about vacations!  This year we went to Atlanta for spring break, stayed in a condo at Silver Lake for a week in July, went to Mackinac Island (with my whole family!) in August, and also in August my Mom and I went to NYC.  I wonder what adventures 2011 will hold?

16.  What song will always remind you of 2010?

I hate answering this question!  My car radio is tuned to Radio Disney 95% of the time, so songs that remind of the last year are always teeny-bopper songs!  If I have to answer, I’m going to (sadly) say “One Less Lonely Girl” by Justin Bieber.  I’ll never forget the day I drove the girls to school and I told them if I heard “One Less Lonely Girl” one more time, then there was going to be one less lonely boy!

17.  Compared to this time last year are you a) happier or sadder?  b) thinner or fatter?  c) richer or poorer?

I think I am probably happier than I was last year, which is a wonderful thing!  As far as thinner or fatter, I can’t remember my exact weight from this time last year, but I’m guessing I’m probably within 2 lbs. of last years weight at this time.  As far as I know, we are no richer or poorer than we were last year.

18.  What do you wish you had done more of?

Last year I answered this question with “cooking,” and I’m going to do the same this year.  I would still really like to learn to cook better, maybe now that we have a new stove that will inspire me?  Don’t hold your breath on that one.

19.  What do you wish you’d done less of?

Worrying about situations that are completely out of my control.

20.  How did you spend Christmas?

On Christmas Eve my parents went to church with us, and the girls sang in the Children’s Choir.  After church we came home and had a yummy dinner here.  On Christmas Day we opened presents at home, and then went to my parent’s house to spend the day with my whole family.  The day after Christmas we drove to Ohio to celebrate Christmas with Shawn’s grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins.  It was a very busy few days!


21.  Did you fall in love in 2010?

Fall in love, no.  Stay in love, yes.

22.  What was your favorite TV program?

Modern Family!

23.  Do you hate someone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Nope, I still dislike the same people!

24.  What was the best book you read?

The Help.  If you haven’t read this book yet, what are you waiting for?


25.  What was your greatest musical discovery?

Ugh.  Can we skip this question?  Ok, ok.  One new artist I’ve enjoyed is Kesha.  Some of her songs are definitely questionable, but they are good workout songs!

26.  What did you want and get?

At the risk of sounding spoiled:  a laptop, a Keurig, a sectional for the living room, a new road bike, a new oven (stainless steel baby!), Lady GaGa tickets, and a trip to NYC.  My husband did get a new car though, so I’m not the only spoiled one!

27.  What did you want and not get?

Wow, probably nothing!  Wait a minute.  I am still waiting for that Toyota Solara convertible!  Hint, hint…

28.  What was your favorite film of the year?

Shawn and I really don’t go to the movies that often, so I am trying to think and I don’t know that we saw one single movie in the theatre this year.  I take that back, we did see a couple kids movies, but that doesn’t count. 

29.  What did you do on your birthday and how old were you?

On my birthday I turned 31.  My birthday was on a Sunday, so we went to church and that afternoon we went out to eat with my parents and my Grandma.


30.  What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Wow, it’s hard to think of one thing.  If I have to choose something, I would say to be completely out of debt…like with school, car, and home loans. 

31.  How would you describe you personal fashion concept in 2010?

MILF, duh.  Ok, after I typed that I looked it up in Urban Dictionary, and it’s way funny!

32.  What kept you sane?

Working out, and my husband.

33.  What celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Well, from the beginning of the year and into the spring I was watching this show called “Mercy,” which has apparently been cancelled.  Boohoo.  Anyway, at that time I was fancying Dawson, who was on that show.


P.S.  Yes, I know his real name isn’t Dawson.

34.  What political issue stirred you the most?

To be honest with you, I’m not into politics.  At all.  But, as far as politics go, when we were on Mackinac Island my daughters (and niece & nephew’s head) got their picture taken with the governor of Michigan:


She was not a very popular governor by any means, but my daughters still thought it was neat to get their picture taken with someone (somewhat) famous.  I just realized that as of January 1, she’s not the governor anymore, but whatever.

35.  Who did you miss?

I miss seeing some of my friends from high school, and a few of the women I used to work with.  I also will always miss my Grandparents.

36.  Who was the best new person you met?

Last year, I answered this question with “Jen” another blogger who had become a friend through Facebook and email, but I had never actually met.  Well, in June I finally got the chance to meet Jen!  We had a great time going out to lunch and shopping, and she didn’t even kidnap me!  My Mom and Dad were seriously afraid of that, which is weird since I met my husband online.  Anyway, here are Jen and I:


There are also many more women in the blogosphere that I have grown closer to over the last year, and am so thankful for all of you!

37.  Tell us a valuable lesson you learned in 2010.

Accepting that where you are is exactly where you are meant to be, is a very empowering thing!

38.  Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

“I’m every woman, it’s all in me…”   You can’t go wrong with old school Whitney Houston!