Don’t make me do this.

This morning I was looking through my purse when I found a coupon of Shawn’s for a free coffee.  The coupon was sent to him for his birthday.  I called him to tell him I had the coupon, and offered to bring it to him, but he told me to just use it for myself.  I told him I didn’t want to, since it was a “birthday” coupon, and it wasn’t my birthday.  He of course was all “Just use it, nobody will know.”  I kept saying no, and said “What if I go there and that manager dude is there?”  He said “He’s not going to be there, and even if he is just say it’s your husband’s coupon.”

I reluctantly agreed to use it because Hey, free coffee!  Before I go any further, if you don’t know the manager dude I’m referring to, read this post.

I get to the coffee shop, and I have to tell you I was already in a weakened state because I forgot my whole gym bag this morning and almost had a panic attack at the gym when I realized this.  Anywho.  I pull up to the speaker, and this is what happened:

 

Speaker:  “Hi, welcome to blah, blah, blah…what can I get for you this morning?”

(Oh no, it is him!  What should I do?  I can’t just drive away, or can I?  No, don’t do that, he’ll see you and you’ll look like a total spaz!  Maybe he won’t recognize me.)

Me:  “I have a coupon for a free grande beverage, can I get a grande skinny frozen mocha?”

Speaker:  “Sure, please pull ahead!”

 

At this point I’m telling myself not to freak out, but my head keeps screaming “Vagina straw!  Vagina straw!”  So, I pull ahead, roll my window down, and HOLY HELL!  As soon as I roll the window down and stick my arm out to hand him the coupon the coupon flies away!  Gone. With. The. Wind.

 

Me:  “Oh shit.”

Manager Dude:  “Bahahahaha!  That’s ok!  I’ll go get it, don’t worry about it!”

Me:  “I’m so sorry!”

Manager Dude:  “It’s ok!  Happy Birthday!  When was your birthday?!”

(Birthday?  What birthday?  It’s not my birthday.  Oh, the birthday coupon.  What do I say?)

Me:  “Oh, it was yesterday.”

(Ugh.  Why did you lie?  You weren’t supposed to lie.  I think he recognizes me…damnit, why couldn’t Shawn have let me get a new car?  Maybe he wouldn’t have recognized me in a different car.)

Manager Dude:  “Well, Happy Birthday!  What did you do?”

Me:  “Oh, I went to work, that was about it.”

(Ok, that part is true.)

Manager Dude:  “What?  Why didn’t you take the day off for your birthday?”

(Seriously?  Seriously?)

Me:  “I only work Tuesdays and Thursdays, so it was my day to work, no big deal though!”

(Ha, no big deal, since it wasn’t even your birthday!  Liar, liar, pants on fire!  Vagina Straw!)

Manager Dude:  “Well, what did you do after work?  Did you go out to eat?”

(Is it too late to just drive away?)

Me:  “No, my daughter has strep throat, so we just stayed home and ate pizza.”

(Again, this is true, but why did I have to bring up my daughter?  Vagina straw!)

Manager Dude:  “Well, are you going to go out to eat this weekend?”

Me:  “Yes, we’re going out on Sunday with my parents.”

(This is also true.)

Manager Dude:  “Well, where are you going to go?”

(Are you fucking kidding me?  Why do you even care?  Just please give me my coffee, so I can drive away and never see you again!)

Me:  “I don’t really know yet.”

Manager Dude:  “Well, when it was my birthday we went to…oh, where did we go?  Oh yeah, Grand Rapids Brewing Company.  Have you been there?  There’s also Blue Water Grille, have you been there?”

(I wonder if he will shut up if I pretend to have a seizure?)

Me:  “No, I haven’t been to either of those places.”

Manager Dude:  “Well, those are both great places.  The Blue Water Grille has a deck, and it’s right on a lake!  Ok, well your drink will be right out!”

(Oh, thank you baby Jesus!  He’s walking away, I think he’s done talking.)

 

There has to be a moral to this story, but I’m not sure what it is.  Don’t use someone else’s free birthday coffee coupon?  Don’t lie?  Don’t go through the coffee drive-thru on a windy day?  Wait a minute.  I’ve got it.  Don’t listen to your husband!  Yup, I blame him.

Happy Birthday or I think I would have inhaled!

Today is my husband’s 36th birthday!  I know everyone says their husband is the best, but seriously, mine is.  No, really he is, don’t even try to argue with me on this.  Even though I make fun of his bald head, threaten to punch him in the face for snoring, and complain about his nerdiness, he is still my one and only and I am so blessed to be his wife.

I think most of my readers know quite a bit about me, so for Shawn’s birthday I thought I’d tell you a little about him.  Here are 5 random facts about my husband:

1. He is a computer programmer, and has worked at the same job since graduating from college 14 years ago.
2. In high school he smoked pot in the back of a ZZ Top roadie’s semi, but he didn’t inhale.
3. He ran track in college, and was All American in hurdles.  He still holds the record at his college for 400M hurdles!
4. When he was growing up he had a wiener dog named Puddles.
5. His favorite movie is The Big Lebowski.  (I’ve never even seen it!)

I actually wanted to do 10 facts, but was having a brain fart at 6, so I decided to keep it at 5.  Anywho…

Happy Birthday Shawn!  I love you, and the girls and I are so lucky to have you!  Even though you hate Nickelback, I’m posting this song for you.  Due to recent events, this song makes me think of you every time I hear it.

My fear of white.

I have a huge confession to make.

When we were on spring break, I told Shawn I just had to have a new purse.  It wasn’t just any purse either, what I had to have was a new Coach purse.  I didn’t have anything particular in mind, but I wanted something that would go with almost everything.

When I got to the store I went round and round several times.  I couldn’t decide.  I was almost going to settle on a black one, but black doesn’t scream spring and summer at all.  So, I went the complete opposite route, and got a white one.

If you think that’s the confession, you’re wrong.  The confession is this:  When I took these photos it was the first time I had even taken the purse out of the bag!  Yes, this is horrible, I know.  I do have good reason though, trust me.

The very night I got the purse, Shawn was all “Come on, put your stuff in it!  Aren’t you going to use it?”  I thought about it, and then told him I wanted him to spray it with leather protector when we got home.  But, then we got home, and I looked at the care instructions which explicitly said “Do not spray purse with leather protector.”  Hmm…okay.

This is when I started getting nervous.  This is when I started regretting the white purse.  Honestly, it’s not just the purse, I have an overall fear of wearing or having anything white.  I would love love love a pair of white jeans, but I have never owned a pair.  I can’t, I just can’t.  Why?  Well, because of something that happened in high school.

Even though I didn’t see it happen, I remember this very vividly because I remember feeling horrible for this girl.  It was the spring of my senior year.  I was waiting for my boyfriend after school, and when I saw him he had this big smile on his face like he had something great to tell me.  So, he comes running up to me and says:

“You’re not going to believe what happened in English class!  Lucille got her period all over her white jeans!  Hahaha, Lucy Lucy with the red pussy!”

Ohmyword.  Is that every girls worst nightmare or what?  Now, clearly I don’t think I’m going to get my period on my white purse.  However, I do have visions of my children spraying ketchup on it, or manhandling it with chocolaty fingers.

So, I really need your help…how can I get over this?  I feel like I’m nanoseconds away from Shawn accusing me of wasting money on a purse that I won’t even use.  While that is true, his argument wouldn’t be that strong, since his sound bar didn’t even fit in our entertainment center!

Another Manic Monday.

Are you ready for another “Monday Minute” with Ian?  I’m playing along again this week, even though I regret posting last week that I had indeed taken a shit in the woods.  Seriously?  I thought everyone had done that!  I think I may have lost followers over that.

Alright, here we go again:

1.  What drugs have you done in your life?

Mainly alcohol, and I don’t personally even consider that a drug.  I think Dr. Phil does though, so whatever.  Anyway, other than alcohol I had never even been around any drugs until a couple years ago.  In an effort to protect the not so innocent, all I can say, is a few years ago someone gave me a doobie as sort of an apology…a peace offering, if you will.  I had it for over a year, and I was constantly threatening to smoke it right in the living room.  I wasn’t really going to do that, I was just saying it to irritate Shawn.  His job does random drug tests, and he acted as if just having the doobie in the house was going to get him fired.  Long story short, after a year and a half I lit it up one night in our bedroom and the weed was skunked!  Apparently a rolled up joint doesn’t last that long, who knew?

2.   A/S/L?

I’m embarrassed to say it took me about a minute to figure out what this question was!  Age:  30.  Sex:  Yes.  Location:  West Michigan.

3.  Do you pick your nose?

Yeah sometimes, but come on, doesn’t everyone?!  Why do I have a feeling this question is going to be like the shit in the woods question last week?

4.  What’s your favorite childhood cartoon?

Oh, wow.  I guess I have to say Smurfs because that’s the only one I can remember watching.  We had like 3 channels on our TV when I was growing up, so the only cartoons I watched were the ones on Saturday morning.

5.  List the URL, of what you believe to be the best blog post you've ever done.

This one is hard.  I am my biggest critic, so I have no idea what I would consider my “best” post.  However, this post is my favorite one!

Do. Not. Call.

Would you believe I got another call from Alivia’s school this week? Seriously. I’m so glad they called too, because it definitely was a true emergency (insert sarcastic tone here). Just listen:

Me: “ 911, what is your emergency? Hello?”

Secretary: “Hi Tami! Um…I have Alivia here with me.”

Me: “Yeahhhhh…”

Secretary: “She says her side itches.”

Me: “WTF What?”

Secretary: “Her side itches.”

Me: “Yeah I heard you the first time Okay, so?”

Secretary: “Do you want me to put her on the phone?”

Me: “No, I want her to put her big girl panties on and go back to class! I guess.”

Alivia: “Mommy, my side itches.”

Me: “Yes, I know. Your skin is dry…remember, we talked about it this morning?”

Alivia: “Yeah, but I don’t like it.”

Me: “Well, I don’t like being called about itchy skin Well, I’m sorry, but we’ll put some lotion on after school.”

Alivia: “Ok, well Mrs. Secretary says she has some lotion she’ll give me to put on in the bathroom.”

Me: “Great idea! See you after school!”

(secretary gets back on phone)

Secretary: “Is it okay if I give her the lotion, and she can put it on in the bathroom?”

Me: “Yes, that’s great! Thanks, goodbye. Peace out and don’t call me again for this type of shenanigan!”

Ok, people, that was Monday. Let’s fast forward to tonight now. I’m at the school setting up refreshments for the Art Night. The principal comes in and starts talking to me. I wasn’t paying that close of attention, but I thought I heard him say “she was in the office” and “she needed a Band-Aid.” So, I’m like “Wait a minute, are you talking about my kid? She was in the office again today?!” He says “Yeah,” and gives me this look like “duh.”

At this point I think I went off on a tangent, and asked him if he knew they called me again on Monday, this time regarding “itchy skin?!” He laughed. Yes, he laughed. He said sometimes they like to err on the side of caution, but there are some parents who are on the “Do not call me unless there is blood, vomit, or fever” list.

Then he said, if I wanted, I could be on that list! What? The school has a “Do not call” list? Sign me up! However, I do have to wonder what the earring incident would fall under?

Wacky Wednesday.

What would you do if this lady came into your work?

Throw up in your mouth a little?  That’s what I’d do.  Ok, so it wasn’t that actual lady who was at my work today, but it definitely was those nails.  For reals.  I cannot even begin to tell you how disgusting it was.  All I can say is thank you baby Jesus that it was a family member, and not the patient.  Seriously, how would you get a pulse ox on those things?  A better question would probably be how does she wipe her ass?  This was definitely one of those times where I wished I had my camera.  I bet seeing those was a once in a lifetime opportunity! 

Also, at work today one of the anesthesiologists was telling me about the YouTube video “She Gotta Bump.”  Have you seen it?  So funny!  One warning though, it’s definitely rated R for language and sexual references, so make sure there are no kiddos around!

Monday Minute and Ride On!

Ian over at The Daily Dose of Reality hosts “Monday Minute” on, well, Mondays…duh.  You should hop on over and check him out, but don’t be afraid of his creepy pictures, they’re not for real.

This is my first week participating, so I’m pretty excited, I might even pee my pants a little!  I was actually going to play along last Monday, but then I found out the questions were all about sex…and I was pretty much like PEACE OUT on that.  So, here we go:

1.  Ever take a shit in the woods?

Ugh.  Seriously?  Maybe I don’t want to play along this week!  Ok, the answer is yes, yes I have.  More than once probably.  The last time was a few years ago when I was out on a bike ride with my husband and kids.  I seriously thought I was going to shit my pants, and my husband kept saying “Go in the woods!  Go in the woods!”  Bad idea.  He made fun of me the whole time, and my whole ass got bit up by mosquitoes!

2.  If you won $1,000, what’s the first thing you would do with it besides give me a cut?

I should probably say I would save it, but I honestly wouldn’t.  Since my husband’s birthday is in a few weeks, I think I’d use it to buy him a new flat screen.

3.  What’s your favorite phrase?

Hmmm…it’s a toss up between “That’s what she said” and “I’m just sayin.”

4.  Fill in the blank – the world would be a better place if _______ left the planet.

Holy Hell, I really wish I could give you the first answer that popped into my head!  For lack of a better answer, I will say selfish and unforgiving people. 

5.  How do you take your coffee or tea?

If I’m drinking coffee at home, I load it up with flavored creamer.  My current favorite is coconut cream, yummy!  If I’m at Starbucks I’ll take a skinny mocha please!

Ok, onto the second part of this post.  Since Shawn and I have been married, I have gotten a new vehicle every 2 years.  Yup, new every two baby!  This year would be 2 years, so you know I have been dreaming about my new ride. 

Well, would you believe that Shawn shit on my dream?  He did.  Unbeknownst to me, he put the kibosh on “new every two.”  Something about my Acadia still being a sweet ride.  Ok, fine.  I can live with that.  I love my Acadia anyway. 

But.  Guess what happened today?  He changed his mind again!  Yup.  I got some new wheels today!  Are you ready?

Wait for it…

Wait for it…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yup, a bike!  Booya!  That’s right, I’m one step closer to a triathlon or duathlon.  However, I don’t actually have it yet, because I have to go in for my “custom fitting” next week.  I’m completely overwhelmed by all the technicalities of a bike like this, so I’m hoping to not have a panic attack at the fitting.  Oh, and my lovely spin instructor (the one who made me puke) is doing the fitting, so do you think I should bring a barf bag?

Odds and Ends.

I’m in a bit of a blogging and life funk. I have lots of posts in mind from our vacation and posts to answer your questions from my Q & A, but I really don’t feel like writing them. In fact, I’m kind of pissed off at blogging in general. Don’t hate, I’m just being honest. Bare with me, because I’m totally going to figure out something to write!

Today is my Grandmas 87th birthday! For the past few years my Mom, sister, and I have taken my Grandma shopping for her birthday. We had our shopping expedition yesterday, which usually just involves Kohl’s and maybe a couple stores at the mall. For lunch, my Grandma chose the Olive Garden because she loves the soup, salad, and breadsticks! I did get one picture at lunch, and I think it’s safe to post it because I’m pretty sure my Grandma has no idea what a blog even is.

My sister’s daughter, Alyssa was with us too, but she refused to be in the picture. Oh, and my sister reads this blog, so DO NOT say that she and I look alike. She hates it when people say that, because we honestly don’t look alike, but apparently people think all short haired woman look alike.

Would you believe that my Grandma bought her own birthday lunch? It’s true. When we were leaving Kohl’s to go to lunch she said “Now listen, when we go to lunch, I’m going to buy, and if you don’t let me buy, then I won’t eat!” Um, okay. You can’t really argue with that, can you? She did let my Mom buy dessert though!

Alright, how about a few more questions from my Q & A post?

Christa asked “What kind of nurse are you?”

I work in a privately owned (not affiliated with a hospital) outpatient surgical center. Our center is single specialty, ophthalmology (eyes). We do everything from cataract surgery and cornea transplants to plastic surgery of the eyes and face. It’s actually a very small facility, with only about 15 employees. Being so small, all the nurses are trained in each area of surgery, which is nice because it never gets boring!

Amy asked “What’s the silliest thing you and Shawn ever argued about?”

A Tommy Hilfiger sweatshirt. Seriously. When I worked in the hospital I used to work weekends, and who knows what Shawn was doing while I was at work!? A few days after one weekend that I worked, he was wearing a Tommy Hilfiger sweatshirt. I asked him if it was new because I’d never seen him wear it before. He said, “No.” I didn’t think anything of it, but a few days later I found the tags from the sweatshirt in the garbage. I’m not sure why he lied about it, but I hate being lied to more than anything in the whole wide world, so I was pretty pissed. To this day, he won’t admit that the sweatshirt was new or that he lied about it. Highly Suspicious!

Tyly asked “What is the farthest distance you have ever run? Were you athletic in high school?”

According to my Nike iPod trainer, the farthest distance I have ran is 8 miles. That was last summer when I was training for a 1/2 marathon, but then the boob thing happened and put a hitch in my plans!

The second question is harder, because I guess that depends on your definition of “athletic.” I was a cheerleader in high school, for both football and basketball. Most people don’t think that cheerleading is a sport, but cheering nonstop for 2+ hours at a basketball game is a lot harder than you’d think! My coach the first 2 years was also really hardcore at practice…jumps, plyometrics, and sit-ups galore!

I hope everyone had a great weekend! Oh, and one more thing, do you like me answering your questions better in vlog form or writing out the answers? And don’t say vlog just because you like to watch me make an idiot out of myself!

Girls and Dolls or How to get kicked out of Forever 21.

Should I answer some more questions or do a vacation picture post? Hmmm… How about I answer the most popular question and maybe post a few pictures at the bottom? How does that sound? Ok, good.

So, can anyone guess what the most popular question was?

Christa, Katie, Llama, Sarah, and Amber all asked some form of the question “Do you plan on having more children?”

Good question, and the answer is as simple as this: I. Don’t. Know. I know that’s a terrible answer, so don’t hate. I never saw myself with more than 2 children, and after my second child was born only 21 months after the first, I definitely thought NO MORE! However, as time goes on (and Lainey asks me 100 times a day for a brother), my heart has softened to the idea. Shawn, on the other hand is a different story. I can’t blame him, because quite frankly he’s the one who has to get up with the baby all night. Yes, you heard me, I said he “has” to. Tami doesn’t do that type of thing, it’s just not in my blood.

Aside from wanting another baby, there’s also the key question of whether or not I should have another baby as far as my cluster-fuck of medical conditions are concerned. I’m not talking fertility, as we had no trouble conceiving either of our daughters. For one, I have Rheumatoid Arthritis, which I was diagnosed with at age 20, so I’ve already been through 2 pregnancies with that. I can handle that, sort of. Second, I have post herpetic neuralgia. I currently have good control of this with medications, but unfortunately these medications cannot be taken during pregnancy. That is a huge issue. Last, I had PPD after I had both girls. Knowing what I went through with that, and knowing that having it again is almost inevitable, is terrifying. Oh, and did I mention hyperemesis? It’s entirely possible that I singlehandedly kept the Zofran people in business for the 18 months I was pregnant. I wonder if they miss me?

So, there you have it. Clear as mud, right? I guess I will say one more thing. I hope to have made a decision by the end of this year regarding having another baby. I feel like it’s a big decision to make, but whatever we decide I hope that Shawn and I will both be at peace with it. I will also say that I have never been one to announce that I’m trying to get pregnant, so if we are trying, I probably won’t tell you!

Alrighty then, back to vacation. Since we’re already on the subject of kids, I thought I’d post the girl’s favorite day of the trip. Are you ready?

Wait for it…

Wait for it…

Lainey, meet “Lanie!”

Yes, people, it finally happened! On Tuesday we went to American Girl Atlanta (which is actually in Alpharetta). We went all out! The girls bought their dolls with Christmas money from my parents, we bought them a few accessories, and then we ate lunch with the dolls at the American Girl Bistro. If I’m being totally honest here… it was a lot of fun!

After 3 months of pouring over the American Girl Doll magazine, Alivia still had not decided which doll she wanted. She made several trips around the store, inspecting each and every doll, and then she finally decided on “Ruthie.”

Here we are in front of the Lanie trailer display. While we were taking this picture there was a girl, who actually was total trailer trash, getting pissed that we were taking pictures in front of the display! She actually walked in front of us one time. During this shenanigan, Shawn’s Aunt may or may not have said under her breath “Go back to your trailer!”

I can’t remember if I mentioned this, but we also brought Shawn’s cousin, Lindsey, with us on vacation. She’s 10 years old, and is a total sweetheart. Here are Lainey and Lindsey at lunch. Lindsey’s doll is one of the “just like me” dolls, and I think her name is Brittney.

All the girls and their dolls:

Our waitress was amazing! In the picture below she is telling Lainey that through “American Girl” magic, the dolls will eat if you’re not watching them. She brought each doll a mini chocolate chip muffin, and would you believe the dolls did nibble on it?! It’s true! Throughout the week, Lainey’s doll also ate several jelly beans! (Does anyone know how long I have to keep this up for?!)

The food was absolutely amazing, but the only photo I got of the food was of Alivia’s. She ordered the “Picnic Lunch,” which was a mini-hamburger and a mini-hotdog. The hotdog was so stinkin’ cute! Where do they get mini hotdog buns from?

After lunch we walked around the mall, and did a little shopping. I’ve heard so many bloggers talk about Francesca’s, and I finally got to check it out! I didn’t try any clothes on, but I did buy a fabulous ring. We also stopped by Forever 21 and tried some sunglasses on:

Oh, and FYI, you’re not allowed to take pictures in Forever 21. Um yeah, we got kicked out.

Vlog #2: Winner Winner Chicken Dinner!

As promised I chose the giveaway winner tonight! We used a very scientific and top secret process in order to choose. Just watch:

Make an on-line slideshow at www.OneTrueMedia.com

I forgot to mention to please forgive the condition of my children. They don’t normally go around in leotards (or dirty leotards, in Lainey’s case), but we had just gotten home from gymnastics. I think Lainey may have also had her hand down her pants at one point, I’m not sure what that was all about.

Oh, one more thing, the picture of Shawn’s head injury:

This happened on Saturday while playing kickball at his family’s Easter get-together in Ohio. He says it was worth it because his team won, and he said his team hadn’t won in 4 years. Do you want to know what happened in the game 4 years ago? He broke his Aunt’s arm! Hardcore much?

Giant Jesus, Super-Pig, and much more.

I’m baaaaack! Did you even know I was gone? I didn’t post that I was away on spring break because Shawn told me if I did, then someone would rob our house. For real. So, I didn’t tell you. But, guess who posted on their Facebook “Yeah, only 3 more days until our road trip!” and “Can’t wait until vacation!” Um, yeah. My husband. Mr. Smarty Pants. Nice, real nice. Someone also left a full bag of garbage in the kitchen for 10 days, so now our whole house smells like up-dog!

I haven’t chosen the winner of my giveaway yet, but I’ll post on that tomorrow, pinky swear.

Until then, I took some pictures especially for you guys while I was on the road. Oh, and you might notice, the pictures stop in Tennessee, but we actually went to Georgia. There’s a very good reason for that though, but that’s another post.

My favorite, giant Jesus, can be found in Southern Ohio.

This patriotic Super-Pig also makes his home in Ohio.

If you want to visit Big Bone Lick, you’ll have to go to Kentucky. Just west of Big Bone Lick you can also find Beaver Lick State Park.

If you lived on Stinking Creek Road, you’d be from Tennessee.

You can also get a 75 cent hamburger from Scotty in Tennessee.

Just down the road from Scotty’s you can buy 1 dragon and get 2 FREE! Ok, not really, I think that sign was actually for fireworks.

Also in Tennessee is Shawn’s favorite. This cross is actually right in front of an “Adult Bookstore.”

Last but not least. Don’t ask me why, but this guy is Alivia & Lainey’s favorite. It’s your lucky day because he’s not going to be there until April 25, so you might want to check that one out!

I hope you had a great weekend, and a wonderful spring break if you were on spring break too! I didn’t comment on a lot of blogs while I was away, but I did read most of them. I hope to be back in full swing within a day or two, so don’t give up on me! I also promise to post the winner tomorrow, and to start answering all of your wonderful questions soon!

Are you there God? It's me, Shawn.

Do you remember my two posts where Shawn was bitter about my money from the Boob God's and my other freebies? I think I mentioned in those posts that maybe if he prayed hard enough, something fabulous would come to him to.

Well. That was a mistake.

A few weeks ago, I sat at my computer enjoying my coffee while my daughter’s were enjoying their half day of school by playing princesses, when I got this email from Shawn:

“You know how you were saying that if I prayed hard enough…something might fall in my lap? Well, I kinda feel like this did.”

And then, there was a link. Crap. I was afraid to click it. I knew it was either going to be a car or something nerdy. Whatever it was, it had better be free, because that stuff I got was free. If it’s not free, I’m calling shenanigans. Who am I kidding? If it was free, he wouldn’t be emailing me.

So, I clicked:

What is that you ask? Hell, I don’t know. A good deal is what Shawn claimed it to be. Allegedly it was originally $600, and was now “$99.95 with free shipping!”

So, being the good wife that I am I wrote back:

“Honey, of course you can buy that black box. It seems like a fabulous deal, and I’m sure whatever it is, we can definitely use it!”

What? You don’t think I said that? Ok, fine. Here’s how it really went down:

“Fine. You can buy that thing, if you promise to keep your pie hole shut about getting a new car.” And bring me a bottle of wine on your way home from work!

P.S. Don’t forget to scroll down and ask a question to enter my giveaway! You only have until Saturday!

For the love of bling.

I have a confession to make. My daughter’s have been wearing ghetto fabulous shoes. They’re ghetto fabulous because they were fabulous to begin with, but after many months of wear, they’ve turned ghetto.

When my daughter’s were younger they probably had 10 pairs of shoes each to wear at any given time. Yeah, I’m a shoe whore. One of the anesthesiologists I work with has actually referred to me as Imelda Marcos. I didn’t even know who she was until I Googled her. I was impressed though, apparently at one time she had 3000 pairs of shoes! I’m not that bad, but I admit that I was once secretly using an entire locker at work for all my “work shoes.” I only work 2 days/week, and when I cleaned that locker out last summer there were at least 15 pairs of shoes! I was only slightly embarrassed by this.

Anyshoe. Now that Alivia and Lainey are somewhat older they have fewer shoes because apparently the bigger the foot, the more expensive the shoe. Who knew? It’s probably common sense, but whatever.

So, we headed to Kohl’s last weekend determined to hit the “Early Bird” specials and use my additional 15% off coupon. Before we even got to the store, we discussed that Mom would have the final say on which pair of shoes were purchased. I’m not exactly sure what happened to that rule, because the shoes they ended up with go against everything I stand for.

They are Sketchers. “Twinkle Toe” Sketchers to be exact. Don’t ask me why, but I despise Sketchers almost as much as I despise clothing with characters. I admit they are cute, but I’m not exactly sure what they go with. My husband claims they go with everything, because clearly they do have every color of the rainbow in them. He does have a point.

So, it looks like we went from ghetto fabulous to … ghetto fabulous. You don’t even want to know how much they cost. Apparently more bling = more money. At Kohl’s they were $39.99 and $44.99. Shut the front door! For kid’s shoes? I just couldn’t bring myself to pay that much, especially after Alivia’s last shoe debacle. As we were flipping a coin to decide which child we were going to sell to Kohl’s to buy the shoes, I thought to head over to Shoe Carnival. Phew! They were $29.98 there, and they were doing the “buy one get one half off” sale.

When we got home the girls put on a little fashion show including their prized shoes and a few other pieces from their spring ensemble:

This is one of my favorite outfits! Oh, and do you see that tattoo on her arm? It has been there for 3 freakin’ weeks!

These outfits are from Target. I had been lusting after these skirts for weeks, and they finally went on sale this week. I also used a printable coupon from Target’s website for $5 off a $30 purchase of kid’s clothes, so it was a sweet deal!

Alivia had some very interesting modeling poses, including this one. This twinset is from Old Navy, purple is her absolute favorite color. Lainey’s cardigan and tank in the picture below are also from Old Navy.

I told you they had some interesting poses! Don’t act like you’re not impressed. They totally have a career in modeling ahead of them. These t-shirts are also from Old Navy. I made all the Old Navy purchases when I had a 30% off coupon, so I got some sweet deals there too!

What’s that? You want a picture of me? Oh, okay.

I bought this dress a few weeks ago at Target, but I wasn’t completely sold on it. I figured I’d bring it home, try it on, and take it back if I didn’t like it. However, while I was trying it on Shawn came upstairs and saw it, and he loved it. This might be my first clothing item ever in an animal print. I also do not wear red, so the necklace and shoes are totally pushing me outside the box.

Oh, and don’t feel bad for my husband. He did get a new shirt and new shoes, but he refused to participate in the fashion show. Hater.

P.S. Don’t forget to ask a question to enter my giveaway! You have until Saturday!

A Questionable Giveaway.

Sorry, I couldn’t come up with a better title.  Not to mention, I liked that title because it sounded a little scandalous! 

Last week I mentioned that I wanted to do a Q & A post, and I added the “Ask me Anything” link and the Formspring button on the right side bar.  Well, I’ve decided to make it a little easier, for me and you.  If you have a question (or questions) for me or my husband, simply leave it in the comment section of this post.  No question is off limits.  Well, except vagina questions, you know I don’t like to talk about that.

There is also a sweet reward.  Each person who asks a question will be entered to win a $25 gift card to a place of your choice.  There is one tiny catch with the gift card.  I will buy the gift card through the Scrip program at my daughter’s school, so you will have to choose from the retailers listed here.  (The retailer list is on the first page on the left hand side, you can view alphabetically or by category.)

For those of you who already asked me a question on Formspring, you can ask me again here, or just email me to let me know who you are and what your question was.  That way you can still be entered in the drawing! 

You will have until Saturday, April 10 to ask a question and be entered into the giveaway.  The winner will be announced by Monday, April 12.  Remember, you can ask as many questions as you like, but each person will only get one entry for the gift card!